Thursday, December 30, 2010

Looking through old photos of my firstborn is a sure way to make me cry.

Look at my Mason back in the days when he was an only and soooo little!!! How is it possible that 2011 will bring this redhead to the age of SEVEN? ::wipes away tears::

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

oh the sweet of it all...

It's been one of those *good* days.

You know the ones. The days where there is nowhere to be and nothing particularly important to get done. Yes, I have papers to organize and a full sock basket that could stand to be paired and actually, come to think of it, my laundry basket pile is climbing up the wall.

None of that matters though, next to the agenda we had today.
That agenda was spending time with our kids.

Sweet time. Sweet time playing GoFish with our three oldest and laughing and laughing. Sweet time working together to clear off the table of breakfast dishes. Sweet time baking banana bread with Daphne. Sweet time watching the babies give each other a hug and a kiss after a bicker. Even their bickering seems sweet today. Sweet, sweet, precious time.

The clock is ticking and soon they won't be our babies anymore but grown and out in the real world. Soon we won't spend 10 straight days all together at Christmastime. Soon, very soon, we will look back at this day and say, "Remember when...?"

Sweet time.

I cherished it today.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Monday Evening Food for Thought

You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one. 
-James Anthony Froude

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night

It's been kind of a nuttier Christmas than it usually is (Matt has been dealing with pain of passing kidney stones, babies are sickies with such raw, sad, little bottoms from all their sickness, and we are hosting things at our house this year) but, BUT 

it is Jesus's birthday! What an incredible day! So I will put all the other worries aside and find joy in the little things:
watching the joy on my children's faces as they open presents.
relishing this time I get with my kids, my love and my family.

This Mama gig He has bestowed upon me is a gift. A beautiful gift. How I treat and raise these gifts He entrusted to my care is an act of worship to He who created me and by worshipping the Lord in this way, I honor the sacrifice He gave for me. Eternal life. Pretty darn amazing.

My wish for all of you wonderful bloggy friends {and IRL friends} is that your day is amazing, wherever it may find you and that you will feel God's love all around you.

Merry, Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

on family pictures with Santa

I used to think family pictures and Santa pictures had nothing in common. Santa pictures featured the kids and family pictures featured the whole family. Right? Right.

Well, when you pair a shy two year old with a jolly, fat, hairy man who says Ho,Ho, Ho- the shy two year old is now a frightened two year old. Then the frightened two year old wants to get as far away from the jolly, fat man as he can. I tried to get my petrified toddler to sit but he wanted me and only me at that point. And then, since *I* was already in the picture, we might as well pop Matt in too! And WALLA- this all leads to the beautiful photo below, haha! 
I think this should win an award for most akward family Christmas photo. :) 

Sidenote 1: Yes, my 2 year old is wearing Crocs and purple Halloween socks. Don't judge. 
Sidenote 2: Yes, I am wearing sneakers. I wasn't supposed to be in the photo. 
Sidenote 3: Yes, this photo WAS all my mother-in-law's idea. Never again!
Sidenote 4: We DID have a pretty awesome looking Santa!
Sidenote 5: I am now done with the Sidenotes!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

I have nothing of purpose to say.

And I don't feel like doing San Francisco posts right now {sorry}.

But, I do want to say HAI!! and did you know that Christmas is!? OMW.

and did you also know that I adore!! this kid? oh, you did? well then. :)

Happy Saturday!  What is on YOUR brain today?

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Just not right.

Today I went to a funeral- the funeral of a five year old boy. The funeral of a friend's child.
It was one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever seen.

While honoring this precious little boy, my thoughts kept traveling toward my children. What if one of our children died? What if our family were affected by a loss too young? I just cannot imagine-and I don't want to but the thoughts do occur to me when something so tragic happens.

In some ways, losing my mother changed my views of the world. Heartbreak has touched my life and it changes you. I have come out on the other side with the belief that I will see my mother again one glorious day and I honor her by living my life the best I can.

However, the world isn't as perfect as it was before my mom took her last breath in front of me. I am not as naive as I once was. Every now and again, the thought that my children could be taken from me flits through my brain. When this happens, I beg and plead for God to let my children live long, full lives. I ask the Lord to let my children bury me, not the other way around. It is one of my greatest fears. Perhaps this is because death is not a stranger to me anymore, as it was before my mother died. It is real. It happens. And it is devastating.

I know the Lord has a plan, even for this little boy who was taken at only five. I know our bodies are not meant to live forever, that we all die eventually. I know that our souls live on in our true home. I know this. But it still just plain sucks.

I am so grateful today for my beautiful children, all five of them! I am so thankful for healthy, happy little beings. I will hug them tight and cherish what their sweet lives bring to mine, for we never know how short this life can be.

I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring.
-Liz Armbruster

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Last First

:::I now interrupt regularly scheduled San Francisco recap programming to show ya'll my baby's first haircut.:::

*stops crying* This is my baby boy, friends. My b.a.b.y. boy. As in the last one coming out of my uterus eva! As in the last first haircut I will ever experience with thine own child again.

{Just want to make sure you get the importance of how big this is {at least to me, ha!}!}

I tried and tried to fight cutting the mullet that had grown its way onto my boy's head. Alas, it could be no we trekked over to Cool Cuts for Kids. It is totally expensive for 15 minutes of cutting *but* my kids can watch a movie and eat a sucker, which totally keeps a 2 year old {and now a 1 year old} kiiiinnnnddd of distracted while they cut, cut, cut.

                                                                        The Mullet
Look at them cheeks!

Time to say goodbye to the overgrown mullet!
SUCKERS are the best way to bribe your kid!!

Although, honestly he didn't even need it. Keeping true to the nature Theo has possessed since even in the womb, he was mellow, laid back and went with the flow. 


I just noticed the crazy face this lady is making. haha!

And the cutting begins!! {while Mama sobs}

Every few minutes, Theo would look at the woman cutting his hair like, "Exactly what are you doing lady?!" He was super curious..then would go back to eating his lolly and watching Elmo. 

MEANWHILE, his grumpy pants brother was not going with the flow quite as well.
Will despises having his hair cut. 

And the finished product?

Not quite finished but ohhhhh so handsome! {and the best shot I could get whilst calming down a 2 year old in the throes of an I-want-no-part-of-this-haircut- tantrum.}

Doesn't Theo look so much more grown up now? 

I keep telling them to slow their roll, yet they don't seem to be getting the memo. 

Monday, December 13, 2010

My Cup Overfloweth...

We are home from our trip!! We walked a TON {I have the blisters to prove it}, ate even more, did whatever we wanted, slept in everyday and had a BLAST!!!

I did not really realize how *much* I needed this break until we came home. I feel like a new mom- my patience is endless, my appreciation for my kids is through the roof, and it truly let me step away and realize how great my life is!! This week is going to be San Fran recap week on my blog...starting tomorrow!

Stay tuned!!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Just a little excited!

This lovely place is calling my name because:

                                                courtesy of

in just a few short days, my love and I will be in SAN FRANCISCO!! and I have never been!
As if that weren't awesome enough, we are also going A.L.O.N.E!!!

I am soooooo excited!! We have one activity scheduled-mostly are just planning to explore, hit some awesome museams,  find adventures and relish our time together. Our lives are very scheduled and it will be amazing to be free to do whatever we want!
Sleep in today? Oh I think I will! Leisurely get ready? Yes please! Explore the beautiful city and enjoy life with my soulmate? Don't mind if I do!

Anyway... I am thrilled!!  {can you tell? ha!}

I only have one presentation, one final conference and two finals to get through before then!! The end is so close I can taste it!!


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Monday, November 29, 2010

Did you know????

that sometimes it can take two days to actually DO all the dishes from Thanksgiving?? :) or three even. you just never know. {teehee}

that *this* wonderful place exists? I have already sent some of my precious moolah her way {post coming S.O.O.N with details of my purchase} and don't see that stopping....seriously people, SERIOUSLY!! the cuteness...I die.

that there is no such thing as a Thanksgiving "break" when you are a mama? It just doesn't exist.

that there are only TWO weeks left in the semester?? {cue the ulcers since I have massive projects due all week}

that I forgot the age of my youngest son?? I have been telling people he is 17 months and I realized today...he is 15 months. whoops. poor, poor 5th child.

that you folks out there are just going to have to settle for bulletin-points-style- blogging since that is all my brain can muster?

that it takes at least an hour longer in the mornings to get out the door because of all the bundling for the cold??

                                                        BUT these cuties are worth it!

I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving! I am so thankful for these beautiful faces and all the blessings I have been given. {and of course Theo! he was napping at the time this was snapped.}

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

We all need a little happy!

When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy. 
-Samuel Goldwyn

Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy. 
-Anne Frank

Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness. 
-George Orwell

To be happy, make other people happy.
-W. Clement Stone

Whoso trusteth in the Lord, happy is he. 
-Proverbs 16:20 KJV

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Oh, so you want to know what's on my mind?

Well, maybe not. But it's my blog and blogging is my release, so I am releasing. Mmmk?

- I am frustrated with my oldest son, Mason's dad. Mason's dad is content to live his life without working hard or achieving much and it is becoming harder and harder to counteract what he is teaching Mason. I do not want my son to be lazy or blame every issue that comes his way in life, on other people. I believe that the habits we (Matt and I AND his dad) set in place now are ones that influence later habits and am feeling so sad that Mason has such a sorry role model in his life.

-I am tired of where I stand in my walk with God and sick of living a mediocre spiritual life. I have tried to think of every excuse I can to avoid what it is I need to be doing but God doesn't take excuses so well. ;) I need to be getting up earlier than my kids and doing daily devotions- just me, the Bible, God and a cup of coffee. Yet my kids get up at 6 already and thinking about getting up at 5 makes me want to cry. BUT I KNOW I NEED TO DO IT! I know I need to set aside that time every day(and there is NO.OTHER.TIME.) to devote the day to Him, open up my heart to His desires for my life. I have felt a nudging for living a life that means more spiritually than just going to church and reading my Bible. I know He is asking me to live a life for Him that requires action. I am scared to be put into action for Him. Petrified.

-I have done fairly well this semester and should finish with 3 A's and a B. I am bummed about the B but am going to retake that class so my GPA will not be permanently effected. I find myself losing steam at the time when I need it the most {I have three, HUGE, final projects}. I just want the semester to be done.

-I ask myself every night- "Self, are you being the best parent you can be? The best partner you can be?" It seems everyday the answer is no. I get frustrated too much, irritated too often and am not enjoying my days with my kids like I know I should. And yes, much of it has to do with this and in a few more weeks {when my medications are fully in my system}I expect that to change.

So, word of the day? Overwhelmed, people, overwhelmed. Sigh.

"Emma Rae, I have a cookbook to put out and a daughter to raise, and the Gosh darned winter Grand Prix! And I just don't have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve, so please, don't ask me to stop and think."   -Julia Roberts, Something to talk about

Monday, November 15, 2010

I know, I know

it's November 15-
 you do NOT want to see any more Halloween pictures....but I left my camera at the in-laws for 2 weeks PLUS I worked too dang hard on my children's costumes not to share!!

SO one last Halloween post on the web. Please forgive me...

                                                                 My Cat in the Hat
                                                                At Mason's class party

                                              Pinning the nose on the pumpkin {way off, bud!}

                                                            Crazy vampire teeth!

And on Halloween night, we took 5 crazies out!
Yes, people, this is reality. Trying hard to get 5 to smile whilst all looking in the same direction and wear their Thing Two wig{I am looking at you Theo} is not that easy. This was like, Take 400 and I was pushing myself hard to look happy! 
In case it's hard to tell, we have a Bride of Frankenstein, Darth Vader, Cat in the Hat with his Thing One and Two. 

But then it got way more fun!

Will loved wearing his wig{which was actually a blue boa hot glue-gunned on a beanie}, getting free candy from perfect strangers, being included with his big brothers, pretty much every.single.thing.about. Halloween! 

Theo, on the other hand.....
would NOT wear his wig. This is him telling me NO! 
BUT once the stinkin' wig was off, he had a blast!!

I LOVE MY FAMILY!!!! Each one of our kids has such a unique and wonderful personality and when you combine them all, it makes for amazingness. Amazingness I get to be a part of daily!!

 Hope your Halloween was spectacular! Now *please* take the the rest of our Halloween candy... I am in a chocolate coma! :)

*Side Note- Daphne is not in any other photos besides the first because she went trick or treating with her neighborhood friends and their parents- and the girl made BANK on some candy.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Musings of a {late} Sunday evening.

This blog often takes a negative twist as I chronicle and share my struggles with my depression, anxiety and daily life of having five children, a husband and being a full time student.

I always, always want to show an accurate view of what I feel like being a mother is- about what life is like with such a large family and so many demands coming in at one time. It is NOT easy. I daily feel pulled in more directions than I feel I can handle- however let me be clear:

Even when I open the babies bedroom door in the morning to not one but TWO dirty diapers off of TWO little bottoms and TWO little people who have decided to smear poop everywhere they can possibly reach. {uh. yeah. this morning.}

Even when my six year old is handing out attitude faster than I can respond.

Even when I feel like I nev-ah! see Matty because of our hectic schedules.


It really, really, really is. I am lucky as a duck that I do not have to worry my pretty little head {it's rather L.A.R.G.E actually, but details schmetails}about having to work or support us in that way. I support us in other ways, don'tyougetmewrong....but to not have *that* worry? oh so blessed.

I get to wake up with my kids and decide how we will spend our day and have adventures and teach them wonderful pieces of life. I get to know every detail of their precious little lives- like that Theo abhores any kind of apple but granny smith. Or that Will does not, does NOT, like to go to sleep ever! in just his diaper and if you put him in just his diaper because you are trying to hurry and get him down for his nap as close to the actual time he is used to before he gets overtired and super hyper and starts jumping around like crazy and then *definitely* wont nap that day, he will get up, get himself dressed, lay back down and sleep. :) {Adriana, I am sorry for that sentence. Sometimes punctuation and grammar just get in the way of describing your heart. } I know every detail of their lives- every like and dislike, every behavior they exhibit. It is amazing.

Tonight, when Matt and I took the babies up to bed together, he put in the new Jack Johnson cd he bought them for their going to sleep music. I was holding my baby boy, slow dancing to Jack Johnson with him. Theo lifted his head up from my shoulder, looked in my eyes, kissed me square on the mouth, smiled a H.u.G.e. grin and laid right back down in his nook on my shoulder. That, my friends, that was perfection. Those moments, the ones where these beautiful creatures show me I am actually doing something right, are what motherhood is all about. They bless me daily. And I love my job. Even in the hard times. I love my job!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Have to start somewhere...

and I AM!!!

Check out my other blog to understand!


This week has been dubbed shoe week. These two lovelies now belong to MOI!!!
courtesy of

courtesy of

On a day when no clothes fit, shoes ALWAYS fit. And that makes me *happy!*
What makes you happy today?

Monday, November 8, 2010

on forgetfulness, guilt, and the feelings I shouldn't be having

Of course I feel like this, I tell myself. What did you think was going to happen when you stopped taking your pills?

I certainly didn't mean to forget them. I know they are important. They were working and *because* they were working, I forgot just how awful it gets.

That longing to run away and create a life away from all that everyone asks of me? That desire to cover my ears and ignore any time one of these little beings is crying or screaming or wants ME? Feeling overwhelmed by their every need? Yeah...that's all back.

This time I have a plan. A more organized system so that when these horrible-make-me-feel-like-I-shouldn't-have-been-a-mother-at-all-feelings do subside, I will not let them reappear.

I will not let them reappear. Because I had a glimpse of what life is supposed to feel like- I was excited to get out of bed each morning again. I was so anxious to greet my loves when the sun came up. I had hope again. Isn't it crazy that a silly chemical imbalance is in charge of all this???

I am on the path to becoming balanced again. In the meantime I am praying, taking deep breaths, and forcing myself to smile.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The one.

Once in a while 

Right in the middle of an ordinary life, 

Love gives us a fairytale. 

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Ah, Potty training!

Do not let the title confuse you! I am NOT potty-training any children at the moment.

I get asked quite a bit about how we potty-trained Mason and Jack and how we intend to potty-train Will and Theo. I firmly believe in the following (at least for our family):

Pull-ups are the devil. Seriously, all they do is serve to confuse kids. You can pee in *this* underwear {because that is how they think of pull ups- underwear} but not *this* underwear. Ditch the pullups. When we potty train, we plan a week without much going on and stay home. Our potty trained boys are in underwear or naked until they master the skills.

I do not potty-train my boys until they are 3. I did not get that choice with Jack because his mom did half the work of it and she started potty training him earlier than I agreed with. Girls get it faster {because, well, we are smarter. It's common knowledge, right? Right.}. With boys, it has been my experience that 3 is the magic age. Their bodies are ready to be day potty-trained-which is the reason it only takes a week for them to fully comprehend this whole-peeing-and-pooping-in-the-toilet-gig. {yes, I did just say that on my blog}

Give them some pottying knowledge ahead of time.  Even though we do not actually start the process until age 3, we start explaining things between 18 months and 2 and continue with the explaining all the way through the potty-training experience {and yes, it IS an experience}. My children have seen the toilet being used, both by their big brothers and their dad. When they are curious {and they will be} I explain to them what the toilet is and why we use it.{obviously, i explain this in 2 year old language. }

They still use a diaper at night. While our older boys were day potty-trained at 3 or close after, both of them still needed a diaper at night at least through the first half of their 3rd year, sometimes longer. Their bodies are still developing the ability to hold their bladder all the way through the night.

Naked is best.  As I stated above, we plan a week or long weekend to be mostly at home and let our potty-trainees (ha!) be free as a jaybird, or have just underwear on. They will have accidents but they will quickly learn. I had lots of clean undies and the washing machine ready to go.

M&M's do the trick.  Our boys received one M&M for peeing and two M&M's for pooping. Our children are chocolate fanatics so it worked for them. Eventually, the appeal of M&M's as a reward for pottying wears off...but by that time, they are potty-trained.

Do not shame your children. As frustrating and annoying as teaching a child how to properly potty is, I tried my best not to get upset at accidents or messes. They are learning. We learn by making mistakes. Be patient.

Every child is different in our family, as I am sure each child is in yours. This is just what works for us.

**We will be starting more potty-training adventures in April, when Will turns 3! Even though I know the plan I intend to follow, I am terrified!**

PS The hilarious, wonderful Natalie over at Natthefatrat had her baby boy last night! So happy for this mama who waited so long to conceive to finally have her baby in her arms !! oh go know you want to congratulate her!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Flowers uplift the soul!

Thank you to my mother-in-law for bringing me the last of the season's roses from her rose bushes!!! They make my heart happy!!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Wobbling through the Muck

My heart is heavy tonight.

Despite my six year old returning from a weekend with his dad {it is always wonderful to have him back home!}, good dinner with my three boys and a laidback evening, I cannot seem to make this smile on my face feel genuine.

My dad has re-entered my life in the past week. Despite many quiet moments pondering, I am still at a loss as to if I should be hopeful or just move on. I am afraid to fully let this person back into my life, in any form, knowing he could possibly shatter me once again.

So much of everything hurting inside me wants to scream truthful yet stinging words at him. The other parts of me want to forgive and forget. Maybe there is a necessity for a little of both?

I guess I am, for the first time in my life, actually acknowledging what growing up without a father present did to me. How it changed me. How it affected my choices.

And I am angry!

 At times I want to howl and screech and wail at the unfairness of it all! How fair is it that I  lost my mother at seventeen and also have a father who has been in and out of my life, with little to no reliability and dependability?!

I do believe there are reasons for it all. As much as all the trauma in my life has added sadness and hurt, it has also shaped the person I am, for the better. I am strong. I am absolutely a survivor.

But it doesn't stop it from hurting. This past week has been a week of  reflecting, pondering and analyzing all the hurt, all the good and all the in-between.

So, while there is beauty all around me {my children, the changing season, the way the Lord is opening my eyes} there is still much sadness right now.

 I am not really sure what to do but muck through it all to end up on the other side-so that is just what I am doing.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Flashback: Before the Babies Edition

I was looking through some photos and found all of these from a trip to the pool in Summer '08. Our three oldest look like babies!! Will was brand new in my tummy and Theo wasn't even a thought yet. Crazy.

{please excuse the cleavage, it is pretty hard to hide}

Since then, we have added two more beautiful little boys to our family, been through SO much together, moved homes{twice}, and grown tremendously as a family. 
ONE thing will never change: I will love this man forever and ever and ever!


My Matty is leaving for a WEEK to go to a conference in LA!!
I HATE when he goes on business trips.
{the word hate is yucky and awful and i tell my kids to never, ever, ever say it,  alas it is the only word strong enough to show how much i detest him leaving}

I have a sleepover planned with my sister that includes:
early bedtime for the babies
a bottle of wine        *and*
chick flicks!!!!

not to mention: a million and ONE assignments due!!

So, I will not be bored, just lonely and missing my better half. :(

Friday, October 15, 2010

Just so you know...

-Sometimes I do not shower for 2 days in a row.
-Sometimes I wish I could trade places with my husband and go to work.
-Sometimes I put my two year old in timeout so I can calm myself down, not just him. {my kids know how to push my buttons more than pretty much anyone. except matt.}
-Sometimes I wait until the day an assignment is due to even begin it.
-Sometimes I lean on God when I should and other times I take back the reigns and try to be in control, even though I know better.
-Sometimes I do not do a lick of laundry for days in a row just because I do not feel like it.
-Sometimes I drink *way* too much coffee.
-Sometimes my kids stay in diapers all day and do not get dressed.
-Sometimes when driving home from the store, a playdate, the park, etc and the babies fall asleep, I change my route and drive and drive and drive. I play music and just drive.
-Sometimes I pick my nose. {ok, a LOT, don't judge}
-Sometimes I forget to brush my kids' teeth.
-Sometimes I do not appreciate Matt as much as I should.
-Sometimes I ignore my phone just because I do not feel like chatting with anyone.

I am human and I have flaws and Amen to that!!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

A litt-el bit obsessed

Does anyone else watch the amazingness that is this show?

I know it is silly, juvenile, etc but I ADORE it!

Maybe it is because I became a mom at 19 and can relate to these girls.
Maybe it is because sometimes you just need to not think about your own life.
Maybe it is because it is just so darn entertaining!

It has become my Wednesday afternoon routine{it airs on Tuesday nights}.When the babies go down for their nap in the afternoon,  I grab a cup of coffee, a blanket and my laptop and watch Teen Mom.

Last night's episode was the last for the season and I am sure I will now fill my Wednesday afternoons with more useful things while the babies slumber, like surfing Facebook and singing into my brush in front of the mirror organizing papers and doing schoolwork. But come next September {assuming it airs }you will find me curled up, watching it once again. After all, we all need something we enjoy that's just ours right?!

Monday, October 11, 2010


So my one of my best friends tied the knot this weekend. It was wonderful. And exhausting.
 And also a M.A.S.S.I.V.E high school reunion!!
 I wish I had more pictures{actually I DO have them, only Matt does because he was the photographer for the wedding but I can't really post them until at least the bride and groom get to see them, gah!}but I was too busy:

*drinking mimosas.
*worrying about how to fit my size H hoohahs{no, I am not kidding}into the one strap dress I let my less endowed friends convince me to buy as my bridesmaid dress.
*watching my beautiful friend exude joy and feeling so much happiness that she found her one. after all the tears and heartbreak we shared- she found her one. uh. what a wonderful thing to watch. :)
*crying because my would not curl, DANGIT!! and i was emotional and frustrated and tipsy so I cried. don't judge.
*observing matty in his element- doing something he loves to do- take photos. it seriously made me fall more in love with him!
*feeling absolutely honored to not only be asked to be there, but to stand up beside her, as one of the bridesmaids and watch every moment up until, during and after the i do's. amazing.
*knowing that i truly have the bestest friends ever.

Now if I could only trade writing papers for an amazing weekend, EVERY weekend!

Friday, October 8, 2010

Pretty Toenails don't hurt a bit...

Alternately titled: Feet sure are strange-looking things, don't ya think?

Alternately titled: My midget toes!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Reality and Cookies on a Plate

I could not seem to exit my haze last week. Each of my boys had the stomach bug, puking all over comforters, sheets, and blankets galore.  My school load has been amped up even further and I am lucky to get to bed by midnight.  Days like that, where the energy is low and the needs are high, are the days that I miss my mama something fierce.

I needed to feel her in this house, I needed to feel the parts of me that came from her, come out of me. So, I made oatmeal cookies with my baby like my mama did with her baby, me. I let my baby lick cookie dough off my finger, over and over again. I made ramen noodles and laughed as he tried to make sense of how to eat them{how has this child never had ramen noodles?!}. I turned on Counting Crows and danced with my Theo boy. I remembered wonderful pieces that shaped my childhood and then {hopefully}put some of those wonderful pieces into Theo's childhood. 

*That* is how my mama carries on. 

So, even though the piles of laundry{clean AND dirty} are endless and there are never enough hours in the day to get it all done or put away:

or enough hours in the day to organize the endless piles that look like this:

I feel closer to my mama and more at peace with the constant to-do's around me.
I am determined to remember that feeling as we head into the next month{H.O.W. is it October? srsly.}

I am determined to remember that life is NOT about laundry, dishes, clean counters and organized papers.

I am determined to make life less that and more this:

Look at that chub! I die....
{playing the- i took your bracelet and want you to come get it Mom-game.}