Thursday, September 23, 2010

on my better half.

Last night, I stayed up until midnight working on 6 assignments due that I really thought would be shorter than they actually turned out to be.

Matt stayed up with me, helping me with research. 

{ALSO, he had been up since 6am. ALSO, he had biked to and from work. ALSO, he had strapped the kids in the bike trailer and biked to his Mom & Dad's for dinner, then biked home.}

Morning came way too soon and began the routine of blurry-eyed diaper changing, filling bottles with soy milk and starting our day. Matt was running a bit late getting out the door and was just as blurry-eyed as me YET he remembered that I needed to print papers today and knew the printer needed to be fixed in order for me to do that. 

He walked into the office and right behind him came our baby. Theo franken-walked{he is still new at this}behind him, saying sweet, precious, one year old words,"da da, da da!" I watched Matt scoop up Theo while fixing the printer. I watched Matt interact with Theo and show his son that he would never be too busy for him.  I watched Matt grab my dead phone{i daily forget to charge it} and plug it in for me, without a second thought. I watched him put his family first over and over and not complain about it once. It was enough to make my eyes a little more blurry, but for a different reason. 

When he was ready to head out, I stood up and hugged him tighter than I normally do. We are not perfect- we have our problems just like everyone else. I take my frustration at the world out on Matt more often than I should and ZOMG the man is stubborn in a way I did not know could exist. YET, I am blessed to have this man who cares for his children and I so deeply. I am blessed to have this man who puts himself out there, time and time again, for us, without a second thought.

 Never again will I complain about him forgetting to take out the trash. 

Monday, September 20, 2010

Ice cream too!

Dear the babies,{aka Will & Theo}

Please, I beg of you, go to sleep! Mama can't seem to stay out of the bathroom{stomach bug, ew, ick!} and Daddy is tired after a full day of work, not to mention his ride to and from. I promise to feed you both copius amounts of chocolate tomorrow if you will *PLEASE* just sleep tonight! For the love of all that is holy, close your little eyes and rest!

I love you both to the moon and back{and remember the chocolate!}


Enter with Caution!

My blog posts are sporadic and not very upbeat or interesting lately.

I find myself very convicted these days as it pertains to my blog. I have been afraid of what it might mean to say what I really want to say- so I have been giving halfhearted posts.

That is over.
I will say what's in my heart and on my mind.
Life is not always perfect...people will not always agree...
And that's the way it goes.

I choose to be respectful with my thoughts. I only ask that you choose to be as well.

Stay tuned...

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

the thoughts before round two of schoolwork today...

Whew! I have lived a week in a day, people.

In the past 24 hours I have:

-broke down in tears in front of my in-laws
-quit my on-call status job
-have been truly amazed by the good in people(my mother and father in-law did 6-8 loads of laundry for me while they were here helping out with the babies, folded it, did my dishes AND put my kids to bed}
-have become determined to have my kids on a more consistent nap schedule
-cleaned, cooked{this means the microwave}, done schoolwork, taken care of little people, rinsed and repeated.
-never stopped believing, for one second, that God is here with me, in this tough time and I have felt his presence and He is what is getting me through this valley.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

My glass is empty.

I started taking these pills. The pills that were supposed to change my moods, my way of viewing this world.

They seemed to do the trick for awhile but all of a sudden... Everything sucks right now.

No matter how wonderful I know this life of mine is, right now all I can see is that the toilet seat is left up AGAIN, my kids make messes faster than I can clean them, I am arguing with Matt as if it were going out of style, I rush from home to grocery store to functions only to turn around and rush back home again, I am having to choose between keeping up with the laundry and the house or my homework, I fall asleep sitting up, I have endless guilt about the fact that I am a SAHM and STILL can't find the time to volunteer one precious hour at my son's school, and ZOMG does ANYONE else in this whole blasted house besides me pick up their dirty clothes off the ground?!?

My world feels gray. I wake up feeling like I want to cry-every day. I am sick of feeling like this. I don't even know how to end this on a positive note because I don't feel positive and I don't feel like trying to feel positive.

I am happy I am alive. I am going to go take a shower and drink some coffee. There. That's the best I got right now.

Friday, September 3, 2010

For an ENTIRE year!!

Just wanted to pop in{from underneath all this math homework and these lab reports}to let you lovely readers know that my amazing, handsome man started up a new blog!!

Matt has been into bicycling since way before we met and bikes to work regularly in the nice weather. However, after much thought and research, he made a commitment to bike to work for a YEAR! No matter the weather, he will be on his trusty bike pedaling his way to work. I am SO proud of him!

 Go check out his daily thoughts and posts!!

Hope you all are enjoying your's BEAUTIFUL here in Colorado today!!