Tuesday, May 31, 2011

the great craving of 2011

One word friends: Sauerkraut! Yes, sauerkraut!

Before Saturday night, I had tasted one bite of this substance many years back, when my sauerkraut loving grandma made a big bunch of the stuff. meh. Not impressed.


Matt wanted veggie hot dogs for dinner two nights ago and my mind IMMEDIATELY craved the stuff. I had to have it. I hunted it down in Target as if my life depended on it. I slathered it all over our hot dogs that night. mmmm....

 Last night I very purposely designated Monday night, Leftover night, just so I could have another veggie dog with you guessed it, sauerkraut.

I then woke up at 1230 am today, starving and had to have it. HAD TO. I pulled my tired butt out of bed and ate a bowl of amazingness-plain. Have I lost my ever loving mind? And don't even say it- I am not pregnant!

Since my early morning wake up for the cabbage goodness, I have had two more bowls of the deliciousness, and this craving is still going strong.

I am not sure what's going on...but if you need me, I will be at Target, clearing out their stock of sauerkraut. :)

Monday, May 30, 2011

A project, a purse, and a blessing

I began the large task of cleaning out our bedroom this weekend. Between the pile of stuff that needs to go in the attic, the pile of disorganized clothes with no home due to a closet wall that buckled, and the piles of clutter that end up tossed in our space for lack of a better one, our room is a MESS!

Isn't it funny how we always take care of ourselves last? Except it's not funny at all. Matt and I need a space where we can recharge and relax. A place where we can feel comfortable together as a couple {bow-chicka-bow-wow}.

It was high time to get to work on our space!

While cleaning out my stock of purses, I happened upon an old one of my moms. I flipped it open to clean it out, and smelled HER. I haven't smelled the scent of my mama in over eight years. It's a perfect combination of her lipstick, her perfume and flowers. That fragrance brought back such memories! And such tears!

I took five minutes to miss, to grieve, to mourn. Then I closed the purse. I have no clue how the essence of her survived nine years in a purse, however I am so, so grateful it did.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

little bit of this, little bit of that

I'm still here.

It's approaching end of school year, which means Mama gets busier.

I am looking forward to hanging out with my three handsome boys full time this summer! Lots of ideas, crafts, and outdoor fun to be had!!

I am not looking forward to the 11 day trip my oldest will be taking with his dad. :(

Today, I am going to reorganize (and get rid of tons of toys) the big boys room and FINALLY plant my flower seeds. :)

Happy Sunday, friends!!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Mothers day, schmothers day.

**Edited to Add: This post was originally published earlier in the week. I looked at my blog thursday  night and it was GONE! Post, comments, everything. Luckily Blogger had saved the earlier version of the post so I did a little rewriting and we are golden, but what's up with blogger?? So, if you commented and it's gone, I did not erase your comments. Something strange happened during the week with my post. **

I did not talk much about the anniversary of my mother's death this year, or her birthday {which are 2 days apart}. I got out of town instead. :)

It's pretty hard to ignore Mother's Day though. And while I am a mother, I also had a mother- who is not here to share this day with me- and it's heartbreaking, even 9 years later.

These past 9 years, I have had plenty of different reactions to the day:
Complete avoidance
Jealousy{of my own husband, who has his mama here to share the day with}

This year, I was just sad. I miss her so incredibly much.

Walking past the mothers day cards is just.hard. HARD, friends. Thank goodness the aisle has already been switched to cards for the next holiday because I don't think my heart could stand the stroll past one more time.

Matt made Mothers day perfect. I slept in until 930 while he cleaned the house, took care of the kids, and prepped breakfast(we had the in-laws over). That in itself was more than enough pampering...but then I woke to beautiful flowers and a sweet precious card from my boys and my love. He made us my favorite breakfast- homemade, blueberry pancakes. He also made vegetarian biscuits and gravy (with biscuits from scratch), veggie bacon and a huge bowl of strawberries,blackberries and blueberries. Delicious much? I think I rolled out of my chair after breakfast.

My love knows this is the year I plan to garden, so he bought me every tool I could ever need, along with seeds of every type galore! And a RED watering can! so cute! It was perfect. Just Perfect.

Which is why it feels horrible that the day still felt so wrong. Even as I smiled and laughed with these little lives that came out of my body, even as us adults played cards and enjoyed each other's company, there was a lingering sadness in my soul.

I miss my mom. I want her here. 9 years seems like forever but it's not. I can still remember soooo much about her...the way we bickered, how she loved rainy days, the beautiful way she accepted and nurtured the person I am. Mother's Day just did not feel complete without the one who mothered me here.
I miss my mom.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

the good and the bad {but not necessarily in that order}

So, right upfront and all, I know no one is deathly ill, my family is fairly healthy and there are catastrophes all around the world. i know. but life has been a bit on the suckish side here this week.

it involves:
matt's ex. she is lazy, selfish and makes life more difficult for her children because of her own feelings of inadequacy. it's sad that it affects our world, but it does. rising above people, rising above.

a crazy painful tooth, a missed dental appt and living on pain meds until my upcoming appt.

trying to finish up school living on pain meds.

two little boys who have spent the last few days trying to decimate our house, every ounce of food in the fridge and pantry, and my sanity. {this is probably due in LARGE part to mama being in pain, thus leading to a not quite as fun mama as they usually get.}

this too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass.
summer is fast on its way in {hallelujah!}
after tomorrow, I am done and done with school until the fall!
and since the clock just hit 12am here, I am 2 weeks in with no pop!!! none! Go me!

**** and it's supposed to be a GORGEOUS weekend here in co land...during which we will celebrate my sister !and! one of my bestie's birthdays, as well as Mama's Day on Sunday!! {hellloooo sleeping in and getting pampered}

Summary: life sometimes sucketh but love conquers all hate, pain meds rock my world until next week, school is almost done and i have a lot of gifts to put together by friday. :)