Friday, August 21, 2015

Let's catch up, why don't we?!

Well, they are off!

We have a 1st grader, 2nd grader, 5th grader, one starting middle school and one starting high school. 

                                                       My baby boys and I  on their first day

How are we here already?! 

I struggled with my depression and anxiety a lot this summer. I suppose I have some guilt about the fact that we didn't do as much as I would have liked, due to these struggles. It's pretty hard to get kids ready and all the stuff you need to leave the house when you are trying to focus on not having a panic attack and breathing. 

I get frustrated that this is my struggle. I get tired of taking pills everyday. I get tired of having to explain to those I love why I am (at times) not able to go places, get certain things done, be all that I want to be. 

My anxiety reached a head about 10 weeks ago, the same time that things were hard-hard-hard in my marriage. We are working on it. It's a constant work in progress. Marriage is not for the faint of heart. 

I am taking positive steps though!!! 

1. I started taking one of my anxiety meds, Buspar during the day too, instead of just at night. 
2. I took a 20 min walk yesterday and will be doing that daily. 
3. I made an appointment with a counselor for my mental health issues and personal barriers I need help overcoming. 
4. I have gained a significant amount of weight on top of the weight I already needed to lose, due to my medications and bad choices.  I have started the process of having a weight loss surgery done and have my first appointment with a bariatric surgeon coming up in September. 

I'm proud of myself for the steps I have taken. I am going to start using this blog again- if only for a place to clear my head and just write. It's truly cathartic.