Monday, October 26, 2009

Not Me Monday- Oh How I Love You!

I love confessing all the things I would NEVER do, all in the name of fun. If you want to join in, head on over to Mckmama's site.

This weekend, while making Matty and I a bowl of ice cream, I surely DID NOT scoop a chunk right onto the kitchen floor. Nope!

I then DID NOT pick up said scoop and place in Matty's bowl. Nope, Not Me!

I also didn't giggle to myself after. Nope. When Matty walked in and asked, "What's so funny?"I DID NOT say, "Oh nothing and then hand him his bowl of ice cream! (Hey, 30 second rule!!) Nope, Not Me!

When emailing Mckmama about the Colorado MckGathering, I DID NOT shreak with delight when I received an email promptly back from MckMama, commenting on my subject line. Nope, Not Me! That would be silly, as if she is some sort of celebrity or something.

What have you NOT done this week?  Don't be shy- join in!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

My Magic Time

The day passes oh so quickly and suddenly the kids are all in bed. 
The house is quiet. Theo rests for more than 30 minutes at a time. There is no one clinging to my leg or sitting on my hip. There are no stories to read to anyone, no one to remind to flush the toilet or put away their toothbrush. 

I don't have to feed any little mouths, nurse my chunky monkey or wipe any little bottoms. They are all peaceful and slumbering.

This is the time that I have claimed for myself.
The time that quickly goes from 9pm-to 10pm-to 11pm- to 12am.

Yes, a new day arrives and I am still awake. I should be sleeping. 
Yet, I stay up. This is the time when I can read, surf the Internet, snuggle with my handsome man, just BE, without anyone needing something from me. 

This is the time I claim for myself, for my husband and I. 

Even though my kid's needs arrive early in the morning, even though I never quite feel fully rested- this time is worth it.

This is my magic time.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Love and all that Jazz!

These thoughts, which I borrowed from Lauren, struck a chord with me today.
"Love isn't all about warm fuzzies and smooches.
Love is when you are with someone who inspires you to be your best self.
It's when you know that with them you are able to do anything.
Love is when you find the person who sees YOU!"

This man, the one that holds my heart and has given me two beautiful children, is all of the above for me. I am so incredibly blessed to share my life with him!

I love you Matty. I cannot imagine my world without you in it.

Monday, October 5, 2009

this is life.

My elbows and feet are so dry I could scratch your back with them.
My hair is always up-usually with wings on the side from not showering.
My legs haven't been shaved in I don't know how long.
My reflection in the mirror surprises me- I can't be that girl. That girl who is 40 lbs. heavier than me. Who is that?

I don't feel pretty.
I don't feel beautiful.
I don't feel worthy.
I don't feel good.

I want to run away to a place where I can shower without having to plan it out 2 hours in advance.
A world where there are more things in my purse for me than for other people.
I don't want to change another diaper, I don't want to hunt down another lost binky, I don't want to be somebody's source of sustenance, I don't want to be in charge.

I am hanging on. Because I know this is a hard day, and this will pass.

So- I treat myself to a Starbucks, and tell myself one day I will miss this.
I remind myself that not so very long ago, I was a single mother, working a full time day job, struggling and oh so envious of stay at home moms who didn't have to feel guilt when they dropped their child off at daycare, who didn't cry while driving to work, wishing it could be them who raised their own son and not strangers. It felt like a dream that was a decade away from ever becoming my reality.

I look at my sweet children and see them growing, thriving, happy. It IS worth it.

It's worth not being able to take a shower, brush my teeth, put on lotion, finish a meal.

I will sip my coffee and I WILL see the blessings all around me. I WILL find the beauty in myself, without a shower, without makeup, without smooth legs or feet.


I AM pretty.
I AM beautiful.
I AM worthy.
I WILL feel good.

That will get me through this day that tests my limits and on to the next.
And I will grow....and become a better woman...a stronger woman.
this is life.