Sunday, November 14, 2010

Musings of a {late} Sunday evening.

This blog often takes a negative twist as I chronicle and share my struggles with my depression, anxiety and daily life of having five children, a husband and being a full time student.

I always, always want to show an accurate view of what I feel like being a mother is- about what life is like with such a large family and so many demands coming in at one time. It is NOT easy. I daily feel pulled in more directions than I feel I can handle- however let me be clear:

Even when I open the babies bedroom door in the morning to not one but TWO dirty diapers off of TWO little bottoms and TWO little people who have decided to smear poop everywhere they can possibly reach. {uh. yeah. this morning.}

Even when my six year old is handing out attitude faster than I can respond.

Even when I feel like I nev-ah! see Matty because of our hectic schedules.


It really, really, really is. I am lucky as a duck that I do not have to worry my pretty little head {it's rather L.A.R.G.E actually, but details schmetails}about having to work or support us in that way. I support us in other ways, don'tyougetmewrong....but to not have *that* worry? oh so blessed.

I get to wake up with my kids and decide how we will spend our day and have adventures and teach them wonderful pieces of life. I get to know every detail of their precious little lives- like that Theo abhores any kind of apple but granny smith. Or that Will does not, does NOT, like to go to sleep ever! in just his diaper and if you put him in just his diaper because you are trying to hurry and get him down for his nap as close to the actual time he is used to before he gets overtired and super hyper and starts jumping around like crazy and then *definitely* wont nap that day, he will get up, get himself dressed, lay back down and sleep. :) {Adriana, I am sorry for that sentence. Sometimes punctuation and grammar just get in the way of describing your heart. } I know every detail of their lives- every like and dislike, every behavior they exhibit. It is amazing.

Tonight, when Matt and I took the babies up to bed together, he put in the new Jack Johnson cd he bought them for their going to sleep music. I was holding my baby boy, slow dancing to Jack Johnson with him. Theo lifted his head up from my shoulder, looked in my eyes, kissed me square on the mouth, smiled a H.u.G.e. grin and laid right back down in his nook on my shoulder. That, my friends, that was perfection. Those moments, the ones where these beautiful creatures show me I am actually doing something right, are what motherhood is all about. They bless me daily. And I love my job. Even in the hard times. I love my job!


adriana said...

Don't apologize to me, love! Sometimes there is no room for rules ;) I love reading your blog and would never dream of using a red pen!

Dawn said...

I love it. And you are indeed blessed to be a stay-at-home mom!