Today I went to a funeral- the funeral of a five year old boy. The funeral of a friend's child.
It was one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever seen.
While honoring this precious little boy, my thoughts kept traveling toward my children. What if one of our children died? What if our family were affected by a loss too young? I just cannot imagine-and I don't want to but the thoughts do occur to me when something so tragic happens.
In some ways, losing my mother changed my views of the world. Heartbreak has touched my life and it changes you. I have come out on the other side with the belief that I will see my mother again one glorious day and I honor her by living my life the best I can.
However, the world isn't as perfect as it was before my mom took her last breath in front of me. I am not as naive as I once was. Every now and again, the thought that my children could be taken from me flits through my brain. When this happens, I beg and plead for God to let my children live long, full lives. I ask the Lord to let my children bury me, not the other way around. It is one of my greatest fears. Perhaps this is because death is not a stranger to me anymore, as it was before my mother died. It is real. It happens. And it is devastating.
I know the Lord has a plan, even for this little boy who was taken at only five. I know our bodies are not meant to live forever, that we all die eventually. I know that our souls live on in our true home. I know this. But it still just plain sucks.
I am so grateful today for my beautiful children, all five of them! I am so thankful for healthy, happy little beings. I will hug them tight and cherish what their sweet lives bring to mine, for we never know how short this life can be.
I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring.