Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Just not right.

Today I went to a funeral- the funeral of a five year old boy. The funeral of a friend's child.
It was one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever seen.

While honoring this precious little boy, my thoughts kept traveling toward my children. What if one of our children died? What if our family were affected by a loss too young? I just cannot imagine-and I don't want to but the thoughts do occur to me when something so tragic happens.

In some ways, losing my mother changed my views of the world. Heartbreak has touched my life and it changes you. I have come out on the other side with the belief that I will see my mother again one glorious day and I honor her by living my life the best I can.

However, the world isn't as perfect as it was before my mom took her last breath in front of me. I am not as naive as I once was. Every now and again, the thought that my children could be taken from me flits through my brain. When this happens, I beg and plead for God to let my children live long, full lives. I ask the Lord to let my children bury me, not the other way around. It is one of my greatest fears. Perhaps this is because death is not a stranger to me anymore, as it was before my mother died. It is real. It happens. And it is devastating.

I know the Lord has a plan, even for this little boy who was taken at only five. I know our bodies are not meant to live forever, that we all die eventually. I know that our souls live on in our true home. I know this. But it still just plain sucks.

I am so grateful today for my beautiful children, all five of them! I am so thankful for healthy, happy little beings. I will hug them tight and cherish what their sweet lives bring to mine, for we never know how short this life can be.

I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring.
-Liz Armbruster

4 comments:

nmassie218 said...

I am so sorry to hear this. Prayers for you and for your friend and her family.

I saddly know exactly what you mean. A few years ago we had to attend the funeral of a friends who lost their little boy who was only 3 days old. He was born with Trisomy 18. It was probably one of the hardest things to walk into that room and see that tiny casket and tiny little boy. It was definately not how things should be. I was pregnant at the time, and it was hard to not have those thoughts.

Stacia said...

Very well said.

Sarah said...

I love the quote at the end-so very true!

jmckemie said...

Praying for you and for that family. That little boy will have his best Christmas ever, right there in Heaven! But, oh, the heartache of his parents left here behind to long to see his face and hold him tight.