Sunday, July 24, 2011

me giving marriage advice...this should be good.

It's laughable, really- because we have far from the "perfect" marriage. I am learning that such a thing does not exist. Matt is absolutely the only one for me, but we are certainly not perfect. I am so grateful to have such a wonderful, hardworking partner and a loving, very present father for our children. However, that doesn't mean things are always easy or lovey-dovey. We keep learning, and keep trying. I think that is what's important. We have gone through our fair share of trials this year alone, but we always come out the other side- happier and wiser.

As for my two cents worth?

.01- For every five things you want to say to your partner, hold your tongue four times. If you are anything like me, you stick your foot in your mouth. Um, a LOT. I have been learning to thiinnnkkkk before I speak.  

These three questions help me. Before I speak, I think:
1)Is it true?
2)Is it kind?
3)Is it necessary?

Obviously, there are times we need to say the things others need to hear but about a year ago, I was to the point where all I was doing was criticizing Matty- and noONE is that awful. I really needed to change my way of thinking and talking, and I have, and it has helped our marriage sooo much.

.02- Make time for each other, in whatever way you can. It is oh so important! Matt and I do not have family that is willing to watch our kids so we can spend time together. Because of this, we have had to be creative. We can't always afford to fork out $50-75 for a sitter. In the times we cannot, we put the kids to bed a bit earlier, and eat dinner together. No tv. No phones. We unplug and talk. We have really had to learn how to squeeze time in, but it is worth it! 

There happened to be an occasion just like this a few weeks ago. We only had the babies {who are not babies but I refuse to stop calling them such} and they go to bed at 7:30. So I placed PB&J's & bananas in a baggie and loaded my kids in the car. They munched, and we drove to get Chinese food. See?


That right there is a gourmet dinner. 
Yes, my 3 year old is in only a diaper. It's summer. And they didn't get out of the car. 
Yes, Theo is only in a diaper and shirt. This is how desperately we needed a date night. 
Will dug his dinner-in-a-baggie!
My handsome date for the evening...
Tired mama ready to spend time with her love...

When we arrived home, the kids were done with dinner! So we brushed their teeth and put them to bed! Then sat and enjoyed our Chinese and a drink without being climbed on...
Can't forget the cream cheese wontons!

And that's how we have to do dates sometimes. It has been so refreshing to have us time back as a priority. And has truly helped refresh us too. So there's my .02¢- it works for us!

Feel free to head on over to Kelly's Korner and link up your best marriage advice!

3 comments:

Lori Alexander said...

I love the 3 questions before you speak. I doubt there would ever be any arguing if they were asked. Great advice!

www.lorialexander.blogspot.com

Stacia said...

I haven't commented in forever and a day and I'm SO sorry about being a lame blog friend. However, I've been faithfully reading and you're wonderful. :) I thought about going back and commenting on everything...but then I didn't know if that would be weird. Anyway.

I love this post, this is good advice that can work for everyone. You did good. I'm sorry you don't have family to watch the kiddos, I know we would NEVER be alone without that.

The boys look so cute in their matching carseats and pants-less-ness. I wish my husband liked Chinese, your date looks wonderful. You even went the extra mile and used real dishes :)

And my least related comment ever? 7:30? Part of me is SUPER jealous, but the other part knows that would never work for us. Awesome for you guys though!!!

Also unrelated - what kind of car is that? I'm digging the carseats in the back. How does that work, though? Can you put a stroller in? Or groceries? You don't have to answer these random questions! :)

Briana Renee said...

I smile because your "Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary" is the ONLY thing I vividly remember from my elementary school in FoCo. They had it posted everywhere. And apparently it stuck, because I still use it. All the time. I often forget that in order to say something, all THREE need to "yes". :) I'm a learning process lol