this post brought to you by country music

I was 19 with a  red apron tied on over my swollen belly. I was throwing dough in the air in a hot pizza kitchen. The music was blaring good 'ol Brad Paisley and my boss, himself a Brad, was checking pizzas in the oven.

I lived with the man that I thought I was supposed to. I wore long sleeves to work to hide the bruises on my arms, and my boss surely had to have known. I was so sad and scared but I tried my damnedest to hide it! I figured if I made my life sound pretty enough, then one day it would actually be that wonderful, and besides I couldn't bring a baby into this world alone.

He didn't hit me everyday. That was my excuse for him. I lived out that nightmare, day by day, wishing I could have a different life, and sometimes just wishing life could end.

I worked with my boss Monday through Friday from 8-4. Work was my reprieve. Brad was married with two small kids. Often his youngest would be in the back in the morning, watching movies. When he spoke of his wife or she came by to pick up their youngest, his eyes lit up. He was truly in love with his spouse and it showed- in every action he took and every word he spoke. It was the first time in my life I witnessed love that did not hurt. He was a good man and a wonderful husband and father in a time when I had lost hope that any existed.

I worked in the pizza kitchen for 2 years. In that time, I came to know Brad and his family well. I watched over and over as he showed respect to his wife, as he cheered his wife and his children on in everything they attempted. In the slow times at the restaurant, we would chat and I felt safe enough to tell him my own dreams for this life inside of me, for myself. He never judged me or spoke an unkind word. Day after day, he encouraged me.

The business was put up for sale. A new manager took over and it was my time to move on. So, I did. Over time, I gained enough strength to leave that man. While I still had to parent a child with him, I was not subjected to his violence and have done my very best to protect my child from such. I was doing the single mom thing. And then one day, along came this guy- this wonderful man who made my heart skip a beat and whose eyes lit up every time he saw me. He is a man who respects me, who listens to me, and  it's him and I against the world. We are a team, and we are oh so blessed.

This wonderful man is out of town this week and so I put on my country music {because he hates it}. Brad Paisley comes through the speakers and his lyrics pull me back to that time-the time where I had no hope that true love or good people existed until a truly good man showed me differently. I realized today, that my old boss gave me more than just a job, he gave me faith that I would be ok, that there was someone who would treat me how I deserved, that life really is beautiful.

That is better than all the paychecks in the world.

motherhood: confusing me since 2004

Today was the day that my second to last baby went to preschool. I went to the park afterwards with one child.  And I find myself in a strange position about the matter.

On one hand, I should be happy that my children are growing and that we are moving into a new stage of our lives. They need me less physically {goodbye pregnancy and nursing} and more and more mentally {my three year old can sometimes outsmart me, that little whipper snapper}.

I should be. Yet, in the fashion that I often find myself, I am feeling the exact opposite of how I should be.

I am deeply sad. Mourning the loss of the difference. Mourning the end of seven years of birthing, nourishing, and thriving babies. In addition, my lovely husband is having the procedure done next month that will forever end our baby era.

I know this next stage of life is going to bring wonderful changes and this is the era of having a marriage that isn't attacked by the stress of back to back babies, and our babes are growing and we have FIVE healthy and amazing kids and I know that I know that it's good.

Sometimes it's just hard to say goodbye.

afternoon naps are grand.

yes they are. but sometimes when all the kids in the house are up from their nap/quiet time before i am, and the husband wakes me up {even if it's the nicest, most snuggly wake up EVER} i still wake up grumpy.

and then require far more attention from my husband than a grown woman should.

at one point this afternoon, I recall saying just this:

"Can you just stop everything you are doing and give me your full attention please, for um, a WHILE?!"

Yep....I can be a bit needy. Good thing I have one awesome mate.

another one bites the dust.

goodbye summer. we loved every minute of you- the lazy ones, the adventurous ones, and even the excruciatingly hot ones!

        i have a 2nd grader! i do not feel old enough to have a 2nd grader!

totally in awe of his big brother!

the kid rejects pictures. but look! he wanted his own backpack, "just like mason." 

we are tired.

Did you know in 2nd grade, walking your kiddo into his actual classroom does not exist anymore? I did not. I totally showed some self-restraint because I wanted to walk my baby, AHEM-my 7 year old into his class! Sigh. 

"Bye Mom!" from Nicole Drysdale-Rickman on Vimeo.

and I already miss him.

we have reached THAT point.

the point where my kid needs to use the potty. or even go once. or have some freaking interest!

i try not to be affected by the fact that three year olds all around us are potty trained! but i am!

just.use.the.potty.kid!!

So: questions for you!

1. When said kid {i am looking at you, will} flat out refuses to use the potty, do you force them?
2. What has worked for YOU???
3. Since Theo is newly 2, is it wise or insane to just potty train them both?? {it makes me crazy happy to think of no.more.diapers! in our house!}

glimpses of my life

We had oatmeal for breakfast. I added brown sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg. It was amazing. 4/5 kids finished it completely. That is amazing too.

My 3 year old just walked into the living room, wearing his 7 year old brother's winter boots. Hysterical is not enough of a word to tell you how comical it is!

I spent my weekend going through boxes of papers that have accumulated over the death of a parent, 6 years and a good bit of procrastination. I am not even close to being done, but I will keep plugging along.

Also? We finally hung all our clothes up in our fixed closet! Makes it much easier to navigate in our room!

School starts for me (and Mason!) one week from today! I may take back that exclamation mark shortly.

I have decided it's off to the mall for us! Does your mall have a play area? Ours does, and it saves my life on super cold/hot days, and also when we just need to get OUT!!

in the still of the night.

If your three year old is as OBSESSED with trains as my three year old, then you will know how BIG of a deal it was to see a train!train! on the way home from late night excursions!

and if you know my Matty, you know how he manages to find the beauty in little things, like this shot he took 2 minutes from our house.

hello moto.

in case you wondered where i had gone after my recent posting increase? did you wonder?

because i have an answer:

and it comes in the shape of a pill bottle. 

i started up on some different medication for my bipolar disorder, and per usual with medications it made me quite a tired girl.
{i am usually the side effect queen}

juuusstt as i was getting used to life again, we {my doctor and i} added another med to the mix. and it knocked me to the ground.
as in:
constant dizziness
nausea
sleeping 12 hours a night and still feeling exhausted
having a hard time keeping my eyes open during the day

it will regulate. but until then, i have no energy. no motivation. I pull myself around my house, doing the chores I must do, and resting the rest of the time.

it sucks, yes it does. but it's better than where i was.
it was important to me to get this new med in my system with weaning side effects before school starts back up! {10 days!}
and so i am.

Bedtime thoughts.

I take forevvveeerr to fall asleep! Forever! And Matt? Well, he is asleep the very second he lays down.

Often, I entertain myself with my iPad until I get sleepy, and tonight I was doing just that.

All of a sudden, Matt rolls over, hugs me close, and whispers in my ear: "I am all yours."

Then he rolls back over and falls asleep.

Made.my.night!

i can't call him a baby anymore.

                                                                  but i still will!

                                        two years ago today, I met my beautiful, 9 lb baby!

                                                           and I fell in love immediately.

                             Yet, time will do as it sees fit, and it sees fit to keep on moving!

                                                               Two month old snugglebug.

                                                                     Oh, the cheeks!

Snoozing.

Mohawks Rock.

Baby power.

Michelin Man.

Our blue-eyed, baby boy!

Hunk of love.

Best bruvers. 

Blessed by my boys. 

I heart my baby.

8 months old.

10 months old.

1 year old!

Hanging.

Daddy time equals roughhousing time.

Bad hair day. :)

You are my sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray.

I love you, my sweet little guy.

Sweet, sleeping angel.

Thank you for perfectly completing our family. 

Happy Birthday little guy!! Mama loves you!!

friday night confession:

I pee in the shower.


Please leave your friday night {or sat/sun day/afternoon/evening} confessions in the comments!

blogging rocks my socks off.

Do it for yourself. Do it to document your life. Do it to look back and smile.

I started blogging a little under 3 years ago. It began as a way to keep family and friends updated. It continues as my outlet- a place to write my dreams, my thoughts, and all the daily in-between of our life. I love looking back at what I have recorded here in this space.

And so, I will continue to blog- for as long as it enriches my life.


Please feel free to add your 2¢ at Kelly's Korner with your best blogging tips!!

little girls are crazy.

We found this little note on Daphne's door Saturday. Matt and I could not stop laughing! {Cari is her neighborhood friend.}

yo. from Nicole Drysdale-Rickman on Vimeo.

please excuse the crazy hyena laughing. my husband cracks me up.

yes it is.

I just woke up from taking a late afternoon nap while Will snoozed in my arms too, and in the haze of sleep, I thought:

life is good.

face palm.

I am a prepared mama whenst {it's kind of like whilst. i like it. accept it.} out with my children. Very prepared. There is usually an extra outfit for the 2 & 3 year olds, toys to keep them all entertained, snacks a plenty for my crew, and then some for any other child as well, diapers, wipes, drinks, wallet, sunglasses, hats, and on and ooooonnnn...

I am a very prepared mama. I have found that being prepared means we spend less money while out, we are able to adventure for longer amounts of time, and the amount of time we are out is more quality time because we all stay happy.

Well then I decided to take my 5 children to the lake and meet my best friend and her son. 

So this required all of the above items, PLUS a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, a jar of jelly, a knife, a tub of blueberries {washed} and 6 huge Nalgenes filled with ice water. I also threw in sunscreen, mosquito spray, 7 beach towels, a comforter to sit on, dry bottoms for the 6 & 7 year old, a blow up water floatie, swim diapers, and probably 75 other items I am leaving out.

I was prepared.


Until I arrived at the lake and found 5 children all running in forty directions and only one me to keep my two eyes on all five bodies. In addition to those tasks were making sandwiches, blowing up the floatie, and eating my own sandwich. I soon learned that 5 out of 5 of my kids had attitude, talking back, and basic disobedience packed in their bag, unbeknownst to me.

I then realized: I was so very unprepared.


It took me 3 hours to get us all ready and out the door. We stayed a little over an hour.

Sigh. Stomp, stomp, pout, pout, whine, whine. Biiiggg heeeaavvyyy siiigghhh....