Tuesday, August 30, 2011

motherhood: confusing me since 2004

Today was the day that my second to last baby went to preschool. I went to the park afterwards with one child.  And I find myself in a strange position about the matter.

On one hand, I should be happy that my children are growing and that we are moving into a new stage of our lives. They need me less physically {goodbye pregnancy and nursing} and more and more mentally {my three year old can sometimes outsmart me, that little whipper snapper}.

I should be. Yet, in the fashion that I often find myself, I am feeling the exact opposite of how I should be.

I am deeply sad. Mourning the loss of the difference. Mourning the end of seven years of birthing, nourishing, and thriving babies. In addition, my lovely husband is having the procedure done next month that will forever end our baby era.

I know this next stage of life is going to bring wonderful changes and this is the era of having a marriage that isn't attacked by the stress of back to back babies, and our babes are growing and we have FIVE healthy and amazing kids and I know that I know that it's good.

Sometimes it's just hard to say goodbye.

1 comment:

ck said...

I have many of the same feelings. Honestly, sometimes I cry about the loss of "babyhood", even though I am so thrilled by the people they are growing into. It is such a weird feeling. And from talking to lots of other women, I think it is a pretty normal feeling :-) I actually have a blog post in the works about this same idea (just need to make time to finish...), I am sometimes amazed how we have similar thoughts on the same day :-D