Wednesday, May 16, 2012

pissed as hell

I finished my classes for the semester today. It's always a good feeling to have another one down. 

As I drove home from my school, I had that familiar feeling. 

I wanted to talk to one person. My Mama. BUT I CAN'T.

DAMNIT, I CAN'T. 

That's the thing no one tells you about grief- it doesn't just hit you in the sad times. It hits you in the happy ones too. In the perfect moments where life is going great- I want to share it with her. 

Frankly, it freaking sucks that I can't. 

I miss my best friend. 

I wish I could wrap this up with a pretty little bow but that can't happen either. 

There is no way to make it hurt less.

I feel lucky that I had her beautiful soul in my life for 17 years, thankful for all the amazing memories, and pissed as hell that I do not get to make any more with her. 

3 comments:

Jasmine Hope said...

My heart cries for you. 3 weeks ago I found out my mom has cancer of the thyroid. Yesterday she got out of surgery of having her thyroid removed. It's the first time in my life I've had to deal with my mother's mortality and it rips me up inside. I'm so sorry Nicole and I'm so glad I had a chance to know Valarie. She was a wonderful woman and I have fond memories of her.

Heather said...

:( I am so sorry, love! Wish I could make it better. I can't imagine that feeling, and my heart is so sad for you! Big hugs and prayers for you tonight!

Holly from 300 Pounds Down said...

I can relate to that 100 percent. I had the same experience driving home from Starbucks . Something funny happened and I was laughing about it. My next thought was that I would call Mom and tell her then I remembered that she's gone . I literally was laughing and it turned straight into crying. I'm glad I'm not alone on that one!