Monday, May 14, 2012

Well, hello ME.

For the first time in 8 years, there are no longer babies in my house. My youngest (Theo) will be 3 in August and is becoming more independent and self-reliant everyday.

I mean, the 4 year old still occasionally poops on the floor and it's tantrum city around here with Mr. Theo the Attitude. Life isn't EASY, it's just changing.

My children can now play without my assistance for 30 to 45 minutes at a time. They can sit quietly and look at books and make it through an entire kids movie. I find I am getting more and more of my time back.  Part of me wants to grab ahold of the newfound freedom and embrace it! Yet the other part of me is still clinging to my kids needing me because without that, who am I?

Oh, you mean I actually have time to reflect on things? Think about myself for a little bit? What, what? What is this new thing?

This has brought with it a huge growth stage.  I can no longer hide my identity behind my role as a mother and all the sacrifices my children need, because they are needing less of me. Honestly, it's just not healthy to let myself be consumed by only the needs of others. I need to be Nicole and it's important for my children to see that my identity matters too. As I discover more and more what Nicole needs and what Nicole believes, I am finding myself becoming more confident. I am really figuring out that I can choose the people in my life, and I choose more positivity. I had much negative energy around me recently and it was bringing me down. I used to avoid confrontation and instead would just stay in situations that were not healthy for me. Now I am not afraid of voicing my thoughts about things and I understand that not all people are meant to stay in our lives, and there's nothing wrong with that. Every one who enters teaches us something, right? You learn and you can move on.

I like what I have been learning. I like my new time to myself.

Most importantly, I really like the person I am becoming.  


ck said...

I have to smile, because I have been formulating a post almost exactly like this!! Even though I have never met you in real life, we are very often on the same page :-)

Dawn said...

I'm forwarding this to someone who needs to read it!

Heather said...

Love you! Yay for more Nicole time! Maybe you should come to ladies night with me on Wednesday! It starts after kids are in bed... :)