Tuesday, June 14, 2011

thankful, oh so thankful.

Last week, Mason and I were talking about when he was in my tummy. Does your kid loovveee talking about that? Because Mas loves the subject! I tell him what I craved(ice water from McDonalds, baked potatoes, and DQ chocolate ice cream cones), when I first felt him kick (14 weeks), how I called him Mason almost all the way through my pregnancy and absolutely KNEW he was a boy before I ever officially found out. Since he was my first, I remember every.detail. of carrying Mason, down to the date he had his first hiccups in utero (Feb. 4, 2004).

We were chatting about his time hanging out in my tummy, and he asked, "How big did I make your tummy grow, Mom?"

I responded, "soooo big... out to here," (with a gesture) and then I pulled up my shirt to show him my stomach. I told Mason, "See these marks, all over, these pink and white marks? Those are from you growing and stretching out my belly."

He looked at me and said, "Wow Mom, you will NEVER be able to forget about me with those marks. You will always remember me, forever and ever. And when I am at my dad's, all you have to do is look down and think of me. "

And I stopped and pondered: The 7 year old hit the nail on the head.

I abhor my body right now- it's a mixture of carrying three babes and the eating habits that have accrued from boredom or loneliness of being a stay at home mom plus my own poor decisions. I have a bunch of weight to lose and while I AM down 5 lbs (Woot, woot!) I have a long way to go. When I look at myself in the mirror, I sigh and feel disgusted. And I have for a long time.

My sweet 7 year old's words showed me how precious this body is. This body has nurtured and carried three humans.  While I do not choose to have my body look like this forever, right now this is what it is and right now, I need to recognize the worth and beauty of what this body has done!

It doesn't mean I need to eat junk and throw in the towel. It just means I need to love myself where I am at. My boy looked at my sad, saggy, tired, marked-up belly and saw beauty in the place where he grew and thrived.

And then he shared that beauty with me. 

7 comments:

♥Heather, Cash and Caleb♥ said...

February 4, 2008? Your dates must be off lol ;)

♥Heather, Cash and Caleb♥ said...

You should write books. This gave me chills. Thank you for sharing (and encouraging me to look at my body the same!)

Dawn said...

Very special.

Colleen said...

I just teared up at that one. What a wonderful little boy

Nicoolmama said...

haha Heather...you are so right, I meant Feb. 4th 2004. 2008 would be Will. Oops...mom Brain!

Candice (mind the chaos) said...

Seriously Nicole, I love the outlook u have on everything. I also love how intune Mason is and how u raised him to be such an incredible boy. I hope to learn as much as u have ( =

Anonymous said...

I just adore the way you write. Thank you for writing this, I will surely look at myself in the mirror today and smile instead of frown, because this body may not be perfect, but it gave my beautiful son life! I love you, and that sweet sweet boy of yours, he is wise beyond his years ;O) _KiKi