Tuesday, November 1, 2011

spinning

they are getting taller and bigger
and it's November, oh my goodness
which leads to Christmas and then a whole new year and birthdays and
in my head it's already spring, then summer

and I can't slow it down
and I can't catch my breath
because laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, preschool help days, schoolwork, and all the rest of it
doesn't rest.

and oftentimes, I feel like I don't either.
I wake up each day thinking, Did I really sleep?
And is it really another day?

I fight to pull myself out of darkness daily.
I do it more for my children than for myself lately.
Thank God for them.

And I need to get to the doctor, need to tell her the words I hate saying
We need to try something else
But that's another trip, more money, more time that I just don't have.

So I take another anxiety med, do another school assignment, change another diaper, kiss another face.
I feel alone in a sea of faces. I am comforted by the memory of 2 months I felt normal, felt good.
And I know I will be there again soon- just as soon as I find the time.
I will find the time.




7 comments:

Matt Rickman said...

Love this. Well written baby!

Dawn said...

Very well said.

Kori said...

I came over here from Just WRite-well done!

Kate said...

It's always my family that pulls me up, too. Beautiful.

Ivey League Mama said...

So many of us are hurting right now. So much seems to be swirling around us so that no one can keep up.
But it will get better.
It has to.

Heather EO said...

Yes. What Ivey League Mama said.

Peace to you.

Anonymous said...

Lovely Nicole, although the road probably seems endless,It's pleasing to hear the love of your family helps to keep your chin-up.
Someone said there would be days like this...
Know this, your a wonderful Mother, friend and niece. :D