Did you know????

that sometimes it can take two days to actually DO all the dishes from Thanksgiving?? :) or three even. you just never know. {teehee}

that *this* wonderful place exists? I have already sent some of my precious moolah her way {post coming S.O.O.N with details of my purchase} and don't see that stopping....seriously people, SERIOUSLY!! the cuteness...I die.

that there is no such thing as a Thanksgiving "break" when you are a mama? It just doesn't exist.

that there are only TWO weeks left in the semester?? {cue the ulcers since I have massive projects due all week}

that I forgot the age of my youngest son?? I have been telling people he is 17 months and I realized today...he is 15 months. whoops. poor, poor 5th child.


that you folks out there are just going to have to settle for bulletin-points-style- blogging since that is all my brain can muster?

that it takes at least an hour longer in the mornings to get out the door because of all the bundling for the cold??

                                                  
                                                        BUT these cuties are worth it!

I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving! I am so thankful for these beautiful faces and all the blessings I have been given. {and of course Theo! he was napping at the time this was snapped.}

We all need a little happy!

When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy. 
-Samuel Goldwyn


Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy. 
-Anne Frank


Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness. 
-George Orwell


To be happy, make other people happy.
-W. Clement Stone


Whoso trusteth in the Lord, happy is he. 
-Proverbs 16:20 KJV

Oh, so you want to know what's on my mind?

Well, maybe not. But it's my blog and blogging is my release, so I am releasing. Mmmk?

- I am frustrated with my oldest son, Mason's dad. Mason's dad is content to live his life without working hard or achieving much and it is becoming harder and harder to counteract what he is teaching Mason. I do not want my son to be lazy or blame every issue that comes his way in life, on other people. I believe that the habits we (Matt and I AND his dad) set in place now are ones that influence later habits and am feeling so sad that Mason has such a sorry role model in his life.

-I am tired of where I stand in my walk with God and sick of living a mediocre spiritual life. I have tried to think of every excuse I can to avoid what it is I need to be doing but God doesn't take excuses so well. ;) I need to be getting up earlier than my kids and doing daily devotions- just me, the Bible, God and a cup of coffee. Yet my kids get up at 6 already and thinking about getting up at 5 makes me want to cry. BUT I KNOW I NEED TO DO IT! I know I need to set aside that time every day(and there is NO.OTHER.TIME.) to devote the day to Him, open up my heart to His desires for my life. I have felt a nudging for living a life that means more spiritually than just going to church and reading my Bible. I know He is asking me to live a life for Him that requires action. I am scared to be put into action for Him. Petrified.

-I have done fairly well this semester and should finish with 3 A's and a B. I am bummed about the B but am going to retake that class so my GPA will not be permanently effected. I find myself losing steam at the time when I need it the most {I have three, HUGE, final projects}. I just want the semester to be done.

-I ask myself every night- "Self, are you being the best parent you can be? The best partner you can be?" It seems everyday the answer is no. I get frustrated too much, irritated too often and am not enjoying my days with my kids like I know I should. And yes, much of it has to do with this and in a few more weeks {when my medications are fully in my system}I expect that to change.

So, word of the day? Overwhelmed, people, overwhelmed. Sigh.


"Emma Rae, I have a cookbook to put out and a daughter to raise, and the Gosh darned winter Grand Prix! And I just don't have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve, so please, don't ask me to stop and think."   -Julia Roberts, Something to talk about

I know, I know

it's November 15-
 you do NOT want to see any more Halloween pictures....but I left my camera at the in-laws for 2 weeks PLUS I worked too dang hard on my children's costumes not to share!!

SO one last Halloween post on the web. Please forgive me...

                                                                 My Cat in the Hat

                                                                At Mason's class party

                                              Pinning the nose on the pumpkin {way off, bud!}

                                                            Crazy vampire teeth!
                  

And on Halloween night, we took 5 crazies out!

Yes, people, this is reality. Trying hard to get 5 to smile whilst all looking in the same direction and wear their Thing Two wig{I am looking at you Theo} is not that easy. This was like, Take 400 and I was pushing myself hard to look happy! 

In case it's hard to tell, we have a Bride of Frankenstein, Darth Vader, Cat in the Hat with his Thing One and Two. 

But then it got way more fun!

Will loved wearing his wig{which was actually a blue boa hot glue-gunned on a beanie}, getting free candy from perfect strangers, being included with his big brothers, pretty much every.single.thing.about. Halloween! 

Theo, on the other hand.....

would NOT wear his wig. This is him telling me NO! 

BUT once the stinkin' wig was off, he had a blast!!

I LOVE MY FAMILY!!!! Each one of our kids has such a unique and wonderful personality and when you combine them all, it makes for amazingness. Amazingness I get to be a part of daily!!

 Hope your Halloween was spectacular! Now *please* take the the rest of our Halloween candy... I am in a chocolate coma! :)

*Side Note- Daphne is not in any other photos besides the first because she went trick or treating with her neighborhood friends and their parents- and the girl made BANK on some candy.

Musings of a {late} Sunday evening.

This blog often takes a negative twist as I chronicle and share my struggles with my depression, anxiety and daily life of having five children, a husband and being a full time student.

I always, always want to show an accurate view of what I feel like being a mother is- about what life is like with such a large family and so many demands coming in at one time. It is NOT easy. I daily feel pulled in more directions than I feel I can handle- however let me be clear:
THIS LIFE I LIVE IS A MASSIVE BLESSING!! 

Even when I open the babies bedroom door in the morning to not one but TWO dirty diapers off of TWO little bottoms and TWO little people who have decided to smear poop everywhere they can possibly reach. {uh. yeah. this morning.}

Even when my six year old is handing out attitude faster than I can respond.

Even when I feel like I nev-ah! see Matty because of our hectic schedules.

Even then. EVEN THEN- LIFE IS GREAT!! 

It really, really, really is. I am lucky as a duck that I do not have to worry my pretty little head {it's rather L.A.R.G.E actually, but details schmetails}about having to work or support us in that way. I support us in other ways, don'tyougetmewrong....but to not have *that* worry? oh so blessed.

I get to wake up with my kids and decide how we will spend our day and have adventures and teach them wonderful pieces of life. I get to know every detail of their precious little lives- like that Theo abhores any kind of apple but granny smith. Or that Will does not, does NOT, like to go to sleep ever! in just his diaper and if you put him in just his diaper because you are trying to hurry and get him down for his nap as close to the actual time he is used to before he gets overtired and super hyper and starts jumping around like crazy and then *definitely* wont nap that day, he will get up, get himself dressed, lay back down and sleep. :) {Adriana, I am sorry for that sentence. Sometimes punctuation and grammar just get in the way of describing your heart. } I know every detail of their lives- every like and dislike, every behavior they exhibit. It is amazing.

Tonight, when Matt and I took the babies up to bed together, he put in the new Jack Johnson cd he bought them for their going to sleep music. I was holding my baby boy, slow dancing to Jack Johnson with him. Theo lifted his head up from my shoulder, looked in my eyes, kissed me square on the mouth, smiled a H.u.G.e. grin and laid right back down in his nook on my shoulder. That, my friends, that was perfection. Those moments, the ones where these beautiful creatures show me I am actually doing something right, are what motherhood is all about. They bless me daily. And I love my job. Even in the hard times. I love my job!

Have to start somewhere...

and I AM!!!

Check out my other blog to understand!
http://fightwiththefork.blogspot.com

ALSO:

This week has been dubbed shoe week. These two lovelies now belong to MOI!!!

courtesy of zappos.com

courtesy of oldnavy.com

On a day when no clothes fit, shoes ALWAYS fit. And that makes me *happy!*

What makes you happy today?

on forgetfulness, guilt, and the feelings I shouldn't be having

Of course I feel like this, I tell myself. What did you think was going to happen when you stopped taking your pills?

I certainly didn't mean to forget them. I know they are important. They were working and *because* they were working, I forgot just how awful it gets.

That longing to run away and create a life away from all that everyone asks of me? That desire to cover my ears and ignore any time one of these little beings is crying or screaming or wants ME? Feeling overwhelmed by their every need? Yeah...that's all back.

This time I have a plan. A more organized system so that when these horrible-make-me-feel-like-I-shouldn't-have-been-a-mother-at-all-feelings do subside, I will not let them reappear.

I will not let them reappear. Because I had a glimpse of what life is supposed to feel like- I was excited to get out of bed each morning again. I was so anxious to greet my loves when the sun came up. I had hope again. Isn't it crazy that a silly chemical imbalance is in charge of all this???

I am on the path to becoming balanced again. In the meantime I am praying, taking deep breaths, and forcing myself to smile.

The one.

Once in a while 

Right in the middle of an ordinary life, 

Love gives us a fairytale.