Where There's A Will, There's A Way.

This little boy:

-started life out with the loudest screams I have ever heard from a baby.

-is a clone of his daddy, down to the mischievous twinkle in his eye- and I love it!

-went hungry for a good portion of his first two months, and I didn't know it. :(

-has surely made up for it over the past year.

-is about to become a big brother at 15 months old.

-loves every, single type of fruit but his FAVORITE is blueberries.

-has shown me that the heart can grow EVEN BIGGER to make room for more baby boy love.



-loves to climb stairs, open and close doors and dance by either
bouncing his body up and down or rocking side to side.

-still sleeps in Mama & Dada's room.

-melts my heart EVERY SINGLE DAY!

Flashback to March 28, 2002

Today, I was rushing to the hotel Matt is staying at, to bring him his suit. His suit had sat in my car for 3 weeks or more, needing to be dropped off, for the purpose of him wearing it tonight.

Of course, as is my way lately, I had forgotten over and over to drop it off. So, yesterday I frantically drove to the cleaners and had them rush clean it. I picked it up after 5 today and drove it to Matt.

So, I was driving, not very focused. :( I was talking to Mason and Will was crying. I stopped at a stoplight and a car pulled up beside me. Just out of habit, I glanced over.

Suddenly, my world slowed down. Time stood still. I literally flashed back. The driver of this car was the same man who took my mother's body from her Hospice room to the funeral home. Right beside me, in his car, with his family.

I will never forget so much about that precious day that my mother left this world for a much better one than I can even fathom. One of my most dear memories was this man.

I was heartbroken to have him taking my mom's body. I knew it wasn't HER in there, but it was like saying good bye all over again.

To the earthly body that made me chicken noodle soup when I was sick, the body that held me close when I was sad, the body that nursed me as a baby, the body that gave me life. I would never hug this body again with all of my mother's wonderful spirit in it. This earthly body of hers would never make me breakfast again or sit and just talk with me, like my momma always did. She just understood me because she made me, raised me, loved me like only a mom can. I wanted her there with me forever.

This man waited there so patiently, for over an hour, while I kept stalling. I wanted to hate him for what his job was, to take my mom officially away from me, but I couldn't. He was so kind.

Right before I finally let him take her body, I looked at him and said, "Take care of my mom." He looked right into my eyes and said, "I will. You have my word." I didn't know him, but I believed him. He covered her with the blue, velvet blanket and wheeled the stretcher out. I remember looking out the window of the hospital and seeing him gently load her body into his van and drive away.

So, when this man pulled up next to me in his car and looked over, I flashed back to that moment in time. I wonder if he remembers. He could never know how his patience and simple kindness affected me.

I am about to be a mother to my third child, a gift I feel undeserving of at times. I can hardly stand that my beautiful mother, who made me who I am and taught me how to be a mother, isn't here to share in it. I know just what kind of grandmother she would be to my babies- Amazing. Exactly like the kind of mother she was.

Alone but not Lonely.

Not sure if it's my pregnancy and the toll this third one has taken on my body and mind.

Not sure if it's the knowledge that very soon, another little life will change my life and world all over again.

Not sure if it's because my husband has been so insanely busy at work due to his National Conference planning(one week and life slows down, yay!) that showers taken together and quick hugs and kisses seem to be all the time together we have lately.

Not sure if it's because every single thing my friends do and say annoys the piss out of me.

However- I am in a place I have never been before. I am truly enjoying alone time- in fact, even desiring it. I have never felt like this before. 

Up until about 2 months ago, I was clingy Nicole, need to have you with me, by me, around me.  It felt odd to be by myself. When my kids took naps, I missed the noise suddenly. I needed the noise just to have noise- so I wasn't by myself. 

I was also Nicole that was bothered by how others perceived me. If they didn't like me, it destroyed me. If I said or did something wrong, I would worry about it for WAY too long. Now I can honestly say I don't care. If you like me- you do. If you don't like me-you don't. It is not my life mission to get you to see me in a positive way. I am who I am. That's not perfect however I also bring a LOT to the table. If you don't see it, I don't care anymore.

I feel confident in myself in a way I have never felt before. Is this part of getting older and growing?

I have started praying more, started writing more, started talking to my momma more, started enjoying the time I have with myself more. 

I feel like I have grown enormously(and I am not just talking about the belly). :)

I am finally starting to understand EXACTLY what my goals are, what I want for my life, for my kids' lives, for mine and Matt's relationship between the two of us, for our family.

I am not shy about demanding what I need. 

I feel like I am in a REALLY good place right now. 

because I should be studying!

Things that give me heartburn: 

Orange juice

Cranberry juice

Jelly

Bananas

Butter(on toast)

Mayonnaise

Mustard

Mexican food(which I LOVE and am craving non-stop right now.)

Too much water(ok, I KNOW but it's true)

Macaroni and cheese

Things that take the heartburn away:

Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream!

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Because I promised a belly shot, I have included my 26 week shot of the belly. Please ignore the fact that I am 32 weeks today and this picture is already outdated. Details, details. 

I feel super uncomfortable at this point in my pregnancy and cannot imagine another 8 weeks of growing! I am trying to focus on the fact that I have been  incredibly blessed to have not just one, not just two, but THREE healthy babies! Matt and I talk about that a lot- how some people can't have one yet we have been blessed FIVE times with healthy children. Whew- glad all those babies weren't from MY uterus- my third pregnancy is pushing my limits, don't know how you would pull off 5! :)

I am extremely hungry these days but the only thing I want to eat is Mexican gumbo from Qdoba and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream- not such healthy choices.

At my check-up this week, my blood pressure was good. My urine was free from protein( a sign of developing preeclampsia). Yay for no preeclampsia! I asked my doctor how likely I am to develop this again and he said because I did with both of my previous pregnancies, it's pretty likely. However, he did say stranger things have happened and he has seen women with two or more previous cases not develop it. 

We talked about a C-section date. I feel like my doctor is not fully respecting my decision to try for a VBAC.  He is kind of C-section happy however I am not really wanting to switch doctors at 32 weeks. He would like to schedule a C-section at 39 weeks however after talking with Matt, I have decided that we will schedule a date for my section at 40 weeks and see what happens with my body until then. If I DO develop preeclampsia, the baby will need to be taken out right away. There is no room to play with me and preeclampsia, we know what happens and how it progresses. However, if I DON'T, I am going to let my body go into labor. If I hit 40 weeks and still no signs of labor, I might have to consider doing a Cesarean at this point. For women who have had one or more C-sections, using drugs to induce labor ups the risks BIG TIME. So those are off limits for me. But...if I am 40 weeks and dilating some, I might continue to just let my body do its thing. It's all still very much in the air and makes me feel a bit uneasy. It's so crazy to think that Baby Boy could be here in 4 weeks. I am hoping it's around 37-38 weeks, but the longer he cooks, the better!

I am so excited to meet this active little man! I want to stare at his sweet face, hear his cry, introduce him to his brothers and sister, hold him, breast feed him, just be a mama to a newborn again. It goes so quickly and I can't wait to love on my new babe!

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My online classes have started! I am actually enjoying them...I have started managing my time better because of the awareness of NEEDING to get my assignments, discussions and reading done. So I have accomplished more and become more organized than I have been in months. 

NOW....if I could just have some help with this heartburn...

The Wiener Mobile...

It's the Wiener Mobile!! Matt was filling my car up with gas and happened to have the Wiener Mobile pull up beside him to fill up too. 

No, we don't eat hot dogs or meat of any kind, actually. 

However, a girl can still love the Wiener Mobile!

Happy Friday!

***Post coming soon with LOTS of pictures of my boys and my belly. ***

Just Another Manic Monday!

****UPDATED: Wow! I just kept typing and typing earlier, with no thought to how LONG this post is. So, here is your warning: This post is LONG! :) IF you make it through, you will be rewarded with oodles of pictures on my next post.****

Have I mentioned how much I DESPISE Mondays?

I am a stay at home mom(well, mostly, I work 8 evenings a month) however I consider myself a stay at home mom. 

So, why would I dislike Mondays so?

Mondays are grocery day, preschool day for Mason, and general nuttiness at our house!

Usually the house is in desperate need of dishes to be done, the laundry has accumulated and yet it is a day full of running around that gives me little time to do this. 

I love my husband- very much- but he does not do dishes and laundry the way I do. I am kind of(ok, REALLY) particular about it. So I ask him not to do these things- at all. I think he's secretly thrilled. :)

However, I work every other weekend in the evening and while I am away, what a mess they make!! 

So....Mondays= madness!

Mason's preschool is in Loveland and about a half hour drive from our house. So, just to take him and bring him home is an hours drive, plus I do not want to drive ALL the way home and back again, so I kill time while he does his preschool thing. It takes up the day. 

However, preschool is almost over for my boy and then we are on to summer!! Don't think we are slowing down though- He is already signed up for 4 weeks of daily swim lessons and will shortly be signed up for a 4 week long sports program that focuses on a different sport each week. Mason is excited! He kept telling me he wanted to play basketball but The Parks and Recreation Dept. doesn't have basketball teams set up until 2nd grade. With this program, he will be learning a little about many different sports: basketball, lacrosse, soccer, etc. 

Will is in full walking mode now and is so proud of himself, toddling everywhere. He is not super steady on his feet but sure loves taking steps! He is also SLOWLY getting in his upper right tooth- it sure has been bugging the little man! Will is talking like crazy- copying everything Mama and Dada say. His favorite thing to say is, "Git doooowwwnnnn." He learned this from Matt and I repeating this over and over when he climbs the stairs. His other favorites are-up, thank you, mama, dada and go. That pretty much summarizes what he does all day- goes, gets up, gets down, says thank you, and loves on his mama and dada. He is into everything and is so, so curious about his world.

I am ending my 28th week of pregnancy and can't believe there will be another beautiful, busy boy here this summer!! I am so, so excited yet so, so scared and nervous. I am taking on a lot!

I am going on maternity leave from my PT position at the end of June and still am not sure if I will be going back or just strictly staying home with my boys.

 I am starting summer classes(online) June 1st through the summer and will probably be going full time in the fall. I haven't decided yet. If I go PT in the fall, I will probably keep my PT job. If I go FT in the fall, I will likely be leaving my part time position but staying on-call. I think FT school, three small kiddos AND working would be a bit much for me. With an on-call position, I have the option of picking up shifts. They do have some requirements about working at least two shifts a month yet they aren't too strict about it. Plus, it might be kind of nice to get out of the house for two shifts a month! I have a lot of decisions to make regarding the fall but am going to just take it one day at a time as I learn my new role of momma to THREE BOYS!

I am apprehensive about what this new little life is going to mean to Mr. Will. He just isn't at an age to fully comprehend everything. He has his own little baby doll, which he alternates between cuddling and smacking its head on the ground. I tell him about the baby in my tummy all the time and when he plays my belly like a drum, I talk to him about when the baby in Momma's tummy will come out. I have talked about the baby in my tummy along with his baby doll to help him associate the word, baby. I feel that when it is time for this little blessing to arrive, Will is going to think I abandoned him. When he comes to visit at the hospital, he is going to think he has been replaced. He is absolutely my baby and I don't think he is going to understand at first. I am most nervous about the time I will be in the hospital because I have never been away from him overnight and he still comes into our bed in the wee hours of the morning. This is something I am working on transitioning him out of yet I so feel that he is going to think he has been replaced. 

My wonderful, amazing, aunt will be flying out to stay with the boys while Matt, Baby Boy and I put in our time at the hospital. This is going to be great because Mason and Will will be able to stay in their house, with their routine and my aunt is more than happy to bring them both up to the hospital once a day (maybe more!) to visit. I have no concerns about them being cared for- they will have a blast with their Aunty Angela. I just worry about my little baby and all that this will mean for his tiny world, which pretty much revolves around his momma. I know we will get through it and once Matt and I are home to love, love, love on him, I won't be so worried. It's mostly the time away that concerns me. I have even thought about having him sleep with us at the hospital at night, but honestly don't know if I am up for two under two, at the hospital, while recovering from the C-section I will likely have. 

Are there any blogger mamas who have done this before that have tips/suggestions to ease this time period for Will?

Anyway, off to make lunch and run my big guy off to preschool. Have a great, MANIC Monday!

Lazy Saturday: Puking Included.

We have our whole brood of 6 together this weekend! 

Unfortunately, Mr. Mason is sick. :(

He has all the essentials: water, blanket, comfy couch to relax on, cartoons and 'The Puke Bucket'(see pink bucket below-don't worry, I washed it out after each round of puking). You know what I mean if you have kids that have ever thrown up. A certain bucket or bowl gets designated 'The Puke Bucket.' That is ours.

Mason starts to feel better and wants to run and play with Daph and Jack, then needs to puke again and goes back to resting for a bit.

.

Thankfully, the rest of the kids are up for a laid back morning of pancakes, pajamas and cartoons.

Except for poor Mason. He keeps asking me if he can have a pancake however I am a bit hesitant after all the puking. I gave him a banana to take bites of slowly and have promised to give him a pancake if he can keep that down. I just have a feeling as soon as he eats it, it will make a reappearance. 

Meanwhile Will is snoozing in his bed. I think he may have an ear infection. He has been unusually whiny, tugging at his ear, and wanting to lay his head down every couple minutes, on the left side only(the side he has been tugging at).

Excuse the naked pillow. The pillowcase for it is in the wash.

We hope to be on the mend soon. :)

Hope you all in blogging land are having a sick-free and pancake-full Saturday!