Friday, June 5, 2009

Alone but not Lonely.

Not sure if it's my pregnancy and the toll this third one has taken on my body and mind.

Not sure if it's the knowledge that very soon, another little life will change my life and world all over again.

Not sure if it's because my husband has been so insanely busy at work due to his National Conference planning(one week and life slows down, yay!) that showers taken together and quick hugs and kisses seem to be all the time together we have lately.

Not sure if it's because every single thing my friends do and say annoys the piss out of me.

However- I am in a place I have never been before. I am truly enjoying alone time- in fact, even desiring it. I have never felt like this before. 

Up until about 2 months ago, I was clingy Nicole, need to have you with me, by me, around me.  It felt odd to be by myself. When my kids took naps, I missed the noise suddenly. I needed the noise just to have noise- so I wasn't by myself. 

I was also Nicole that was bothered by how others perceived me. If they didn't like me, it destroyed me. If I said or did something wrong, I would worry about it for WAY too long. Now I can honestly say I don't care. If you like me- you do. If you don't like me-you don't. It is not my life mission to get you to see me in a positive way. I am who I am. That's not perfect however I also bring a LOT to the table. If you don't see it, I don't care anymore.

I feel confident in myself in a way I have never felt before. Is this part of getting older and growing?

I have started praying more, started writing more, started talking to my momma more, started enjoying the time I have with myself more. 

I feel like I have grown enormously(and I am not just talking about the belly). :)

I am finally starting to understand EXACTLY what my goals are, what I want for my life, for my kids' lives, for mine and Matt's relationship between the two of us, for our family.

I am not shy about demanding what I need. 

I feel like I am in a REALLY good place right now. 

1 comment:

Amber said...
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