Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Flashback to March 28, 2002

Today, I was rushing to the hotel Matt is staying at, to bring him his suit. His suit had sat in my car for 3 weeks or more, needing to be dropped off, for the purpose of him wearing it tonight.

Of course, as is my way lately, I had forgotten over and over to drop it off. So, yesterday I frantically drove to the cleaners and had them rush clean it. I picked it up after 5 today and drove it to Matt.

So, I was driving, not very focused. :( I was talking to Mason and Will was crying. I stopped at a stoplight and a car pulled up beside me. Just out of habit, I glanced over.

Suddenly, my world slowed down. Time stood still. I literally flashed back. The driver of this car was the same man who took my mother's body from her Hospice room to the funeral home. Right beside me, in his car, with his family.

I will never forget so much about that precious day that my mother left this world for a much better one than I can even fathom. One of my most dear memories was this man.

I was heartbroken to have him taking my mom's body. I knew it wasn't HER in there, but it was like saying good bye all over again.

To the earthly body that made me chicken noodle soup when I was sick, the body that held me close when I was sad, the body that nursed me as a baby, the body that gave me life. I would never hug this body again with all of my mother's wonderful spirit in it. This earthly body of hers would never make me breakfast again or sit and just talk with me, like my momma always did. She just understood me because she made me, raised me, loved me like only a mom can. I wanted her there with me forever.

This man waited there so patiently, for over an hour, while I kept stalling. I wanted to hate him for what his job was, to take my mom officially away from me, but I couldn't. He was so kind.

Right before I finally let him take her body, I looked at him and said, "Take care of my mom." He looked right into my eyes and said, "I will. You have my word." I didn't know him, but I believed him. He covered her with the blue, velvet blanket and wheeled the stretcher out. I remember looking out the window of the hospital and seeing him gently load her body into his van and drive away.

So, when this man pulled up next to me in his car and looked over, I flashed back to that moment in time. I wonder if he remembers. He could never know how his patience and simple kindness affected me.

I am about to be a mother to my third child, a gift I feel undeserving of at times. I can hardly stand that my beautiful mother, who made me who I am and taught me how to be a mother, isn't here to share in it. I know just what kind of grandmother she would be to my babies- Amazing. Exactly like the kind of mother she was.


Juskow Jucolosi said...

I like your blog colors. Big day tomorrow?? :)

Nicoolmama said...

Yes...25! OMGoodness. Am I really that old?!? Seriously, when did we hit the other side of 20's? AHHH!

Emily Shoup said...

That is a great post, and one I identify with. I am glad that you saw him again and were able to have a positive memory about it! Maybe since you have been down lately, your mom sent him to sit beside you for a short time to encourage you. I wouldn't be surprised in the least if God lets our loved ones do that for us.