Just One Thought

Have you ever been so incredibly happy that you have to make yourself go back to a song, a picture, a memory of when you were so incredibly sad, just so that you can briefly feel that pain, briefly know that you NEVER want to be back there?

I think it comes from a life of having your heart broken over and over again, and I don't necessarily mean from men.

Sometimes I feel like I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Like it can't REALLY be this good, I can't REALLY be this happy, it's too good to be true.

I don't know what that is in me, why I feel like that.

Does it come from losing my mother, my best friend, at a young age?
Does it come from trusting in someone and then feeling that trust dissipate as they raise their hand to you time and time again?
Does it come from time and time again of being letdown and then finally learning to just do it on your own?

I am not sure.

I know that the pain of my past makes me more appreciative and grateful of my present.

And maybe that's the point.