Sucktastic Tuesday

 We had a huge snow yesterday...the very first snow of the season. The day started off with so much potential! Falling snow, nowhere to be, movies, babies, snuggling.

I let our dog outside to pee. About 10 minutes later, I heard a banging on our front door.
There was a strange man who told me that my dog was outside. Bonnie escapes all the time through the front gate, so I told him to hang on while I got my shoes.

I go outside and she is laying in the street, one house down. She is not lifting her head. I ask what happened, he says he didn't see her and she must have walked right under the car. I couldn't see any blood, but there was a tear under her leg and it was deep.

I pretty much froze. I didn't know what to do. It was clear she was not ok. I ran back to the house to grab my phone and 30 seconds after I returned, Bonnie stopped breathing. Her eyes were glazed over. The man checked her pulse. She was gone. At this time, Matt was calling me back and I told him what had just happened.

I couldn't think clearly. My head was spinning. The mans daughter was sitting in his truck, bawling. I was bawling. The man started to cry as well. It was horrible.

The man suggested grabbing a sheet so he could carry her back to our house. All I kept thinking was, HOW IS BONNIE DEAD?! I just let her out back minutes ago!

He carried her and laid her in our front room. Matt came home early and buried our dog. I couldn't stop crying. I still cant stop crying. I just feel soo bad for Bonnie, what a horrible way to die. I really hope she wasn't in much pain in those few minutes.

Honestly, she wasn't my favorite dog. She was old and stubborn. But, I sure didn't want her hurt or killed. I miss her following me around today. Our house is eerily quiet. As much of a pain in the butt as she was, she was a part of our family. And I am so sad.

tonight's post brought to you by bullet points.

-I found a little lump/knot on Theo's neck/back area. We are heading to the doctor this week and I have a knot in my stomach. Please pray it's just something goofy or me overreacting. 

-I sat in stop and go traffic tonight for an hour! Ugh. Oh, what's that? You want a picture of that? Well, ok! Head over here: mattrickman365.blogspot.com

-I think my depression meds have stopped working. I have not missed a dose, nothing has changed but suddenly I feel all wonky. Here we go again....

-A friend of mine had a beautiful baby boy this weekend (Baby Dylan). I snuggled and breathed him in today and it was bliss. 

What did you do this weekend??

-

'lil bit of this, 'lil bit of that.

Last night Matt and I {along with our sidekicks, Will & Theo} chowed down on some amazing grub at this place!  

Then we came home where Matt went to work on the old Mac for his newest adventure. You might remember Matt's challenge last year- the one where he committed to biking to work everyday for a year. That's right, through snow, rain and extreme heat & cold- he biked. Never being one to sit still, he has signed on for a new challenge of taking his camera with him everywhere he goes to find the beautiful in the everyday. He blogs his thoughts and a photo nightly- Go check it out! 

Today has been full of preschool, story time, and coffee hour with some friends. I have been puttering around the house this afternoon, catching up on my favorite blogs and just generally staying low-key. 

In the mood to laugh {when are we not, right?}? These posts had me busting up!

-Stiletto & Diaper's take on alone time

-Parenting in Progress's rad photo shoot

I hope your Thursday is as low-maintenance as mine! 

do you know what it feels like for a girl, in this world?

If I go missing from this space, you can assume that it means

a. I am struggling through a depressive phase.
b. My brain hurts from life and all that it throws and I just cannot formulate the words OR
c. I am having way too much fun to bother writing/typing it down.

Surprisingly, it's all of the above.

 So much has happened and yet so little has. I am not seeking to be cryptic but I just don't know how to put into words the growth that is happening in my life lately.

I am trying, really HARD, to be more present with my kids, my family. I am battling anxiety like I have never felt. I am digging my way out of some bad diet habits I have created and am striving to be healthier. And then I fail. And I keep trying. I am battling with the demons in my head that tell me I am not good enough, I can't do it, Why try? I am helping a child in this home conquer something big of his.

I am also REALLY working to see the blessings in all of it. I have been meeting new friends, having new playdates, new experiences, and it's all so dang good.

And all soooo darn exhausting!

All that to say: Change is good. :)

I spent an hour crying tonight.

Can you tell Daddy is out of town?

I think our horrible evening was due in only part to everyone in this house missing our main man.

Matt doesn't travel much but by the time this trip commences, he will have been gone for half of last month and the beginning of this one {WELL. Hai There October!}

{I am truly thankful for the wives that have military husbands and don't see their spouses for a year at at time, or longer. I cannot even imagine. To me, the sacrifice the wives make is just as big as the sacrifice the serving spouse makes.}

So, we have been missing Matty's handsome face. And the way he "sets the sun" with bedroom lights at bedtime. Also the the way in which one of his hugs can make the world right again- can make the tantrums and frustration of the days melt away.

I mean, just look at Daddy in action:

Look at Theo's adoration of his daddy, it is precious.

We like the guy, can you tell? Thank goodness he will be home soon!