Wednesday, March 18, 2009

A New Way of Thinking!

I have been struggling quite a bit lately. It is really difficult to be a stepmom, harder than it has ever been to be a mom. I didn't grow in my womb or birth Daphne and Jack. I was not there from Day One. I try the best I know how to be there for them, without playing the mom role. This becomes difficult since they are a part of my family. When we are all together, it's not a reality that I wouldn't help be the one to bathe, clothe, feed, discipline, and love on them. 

However, I find that whatever I do, their mother finds flaws in it. I try to send coats in case it's cold and she snaps, "Well, it's a nice day." I have looked after Jack when she had surgery, when she has been sick, and several times this week when she just sleeps in. Yet, when she picks him up, does she ever once thank me or even smile? Absolutely not. It's difficult to continue to be unaffected by someone who is constantly watching and waiting for you to fail.

She doesn't like me and I am not fond of her either. However, at some point, you would think she would move on and look past all of the petty, made up stuff. It always seems to be about her, not the kids. How she feels, why this bothers her- When is it time for her to think of her kids?

Kids are very good at sensing conflict. They sense the tension between their mother and I. It doesn't make it easier for them, her, me, anyone. I almost think she wants that tension there because she is afraid to let it be ok for her kids to bond with me, because of her own insecurities.

Like I said, I have struggled with this for a while. However, today I reached this point where I have made up my mind that I am DONE letting this bother me.

I am a phenomenal mother and a phenomenal woman. I don't need her approval.I am not trying to replace her, just trying to find my role in this blended family Matt and I have brought together. While it would be ideal for her to help ease transitions with Daphne and Jack, there are other ways around it. I will continue to be who I am and stop second guessing myself.  I cannot control her actions or behavior, however I can control mine. I am above all this petty crap. I feel a weight lifted off me by just deciding to move on and focus my energy on bigger and better things. 

Matt and I have a beautiful family and focusing all my energy on even more ways to continue to help us, as a family- grow, bond and thrive is ALL I need to focus on. 

So, I am off to do that. 

Have a Great Day!

2 comments:

Kym said...

Way to go you!!!

Emily Shoup said...

Good for you!