i got this.

what's that? i am a full time student again?

what's that? EACH one of my teachers stated this week that their particular class required 10-15 hours of work outside of the actual class?

what's that? i have four classes?

what's that? i have to keep this house clean, dusted and caught up on laundry?

what's that? i have about 4 million organizational projects to finish up?

what's that? to keep my on-call status, I have to work at least 2 shifts  a month?

what's that? i have FIVE little people in my life to help take care of?

what's that? i have a husband that I want to spend time with too?

what's that? all of my friends have suddenly decided to get married/have a baby/have a birthday, catapulting my social life from previously BORING to go-go-go?

{ps congratulations jessi & danielle on your engagements and beautiful kiki who is going to be a mama!)

what's that? i need to be constantly working on my spiritual walk and relationship with God?

what's that? i also need to stay in check with my depression and anxiety?

oh yeah, i got this. no worries.

 i am not quite sure how it will all work, and exactly how it all fits in, but i am figuring it out one step at a time. i got this because i am made up of the stuff that my beautiful mother was and that doesn't go away. that's in my dna. so don't worry....i got this.


And now after all the seriousness, I present to you something which shall make you laugh!!!!!

   how could life ever be bad, with such a beautiful, HILARIOUS creature in it?

its all good.

today i have decided that i am going to enjoy every ounce of my children. child #3 has come down with pink eye and so i have a house full of boys home today.

so i walked around with the baby and let him touch everything he wanted, all the things that normally prompt a "no,no, baby" recieved lots of touches from my sweet little 1 year old.

i put extra jelly on my kids toast, because, it's sweet and yummy and don't we all need a little more sweetness in our lives?

it is not even 9am and two of my boys are snuggled on the couch together, watching avatar.

we have nowhere to be and nothing particularly important to do at this moment.  it is truly all good.

this too shall pass

life is kicking my butt but i am putting up a good fight.

lots of craziness in our world. some of which i can talk about here. some of which i cannot.

but not today.

you see, i have one baby with a nasty head cold and another baby with an ear infection and pink eye. fun times, people. fun times.

i am a full time student come monday. {insert anxiety here.}

off to shower{its only 2pm} and breathe.

My Mornings...

Yep, the doctor visit I talked about last resulted in the little pills you see above. 

I had a ton of guilt about going back on my medications and ending nursing Theo. A TON. But then I thought about how many mornings I have had to scale a deep-dark hole, pull myself out of bed and take care of my kids, counting down the hours until I could crawl back into bed and I knew I made the right decision. Life is not supposed to be how it had become for me. I feel so blessed to have given him an entire YEAR of nursing! As much as I would LOVE to breast feed Theo well into the first year, I have to think about my mental and emotional health and how that affects my family. 

Theo was weaning himself anyway and was down to 1-2 nursings a day... I just upped the process a little. He still nurses to suckle as a comfort but is getting mere drops of milk. 

And Mr. Theo is honestly doing AWESOME. See??

Let's be honest though-the guilt is still there. Maybe guilt is just a part of the dna code of motherhood. 

The meds take 4 weeks to be fully in my system and are making me nauseous beyond belief- hopefully the nausea will subside as my body gets more used to things. 

But even if it doesn't, it's all worth it. For my babies. For my husband. But most of all, for me- to have my mental health where it should be and to truly enjoy this wonderful life of mine!