Monday, July 26, 2010

Gasping for breath...

Oh my goodness, my life is good! Seriously, it really is and I want to start with that...because I just really have it so good. What a transformation my life has taken from 4 years ago and I get to spend everyday with my beautiful boys..doing what I was made to their Mama. Not to mention that I get to wake up every morning next to the love of my life...I really try very hard not to take for granted what I have been given!

I know life is great. My depression doesn't seem to know that. Or the anxiety attacks that keep hitting me{in really embarassing, public places, I might add}over and over and over. I don't know WHY it keeps happening but it's gotten to the point where it's really affecting my life.

I just want to feel normal, which are also the words I whispered to my wonderful Matty last night.

I don't want to worry that while I am at the grocery store, I will suddenly feel my chest caving in and be gasping for breath like I am choking. I don't want to be experiencing a panic attack in the middle of a kitchen filled with family. These are the things that have been happening. I can't stop it. I can't control it. I just try to sit down and breathe.

So, I have decided to make an appt with my doctor, and you know, blog about it. Because I am determined to chronicle my life through my blog and it's more than just the sunshiny's real life.


jmckemie said...

I will be praying for you. I have a SIL who suffers from panic attacks and I know how it affects her life. She has found a medication that does keep them under control for the most part and I know she is grateful to have that available. Hang in there, girl. BTW - love getting to see you and your babies through this blog of yours!

Dawn said...

I am sorry, Nicole. I have a niece who has panic attacks and she takes meds which keep her under control. She blogs about it often - I can't imagine what it must feel like!