Friday, April 30, 2010

This sucks...

I feel so down in the dumps. Just I could sleep for two years straight.

My head feels so foggy...I can't seem to remember anything, therefore, my agenda book is FILLED with small little 'remember-this' notes everywhere!

I hate when I feel like this. Bi-polar at it's worst. I need to go to the store( we literally have 2 diapers, and a very empty fridge)yet it feels like going to the store is the same as running a marathon.

I started a bi-polar mood journal I had Matt print off and put together a year+ ago. I hope tracking my moods will be helpful to see the trends of my disease, as I swing up and down.

I just feel so crappy today that this has to be something I struggle with. I so desperately want to be happy, and productive and just NOT DEAL WITH THIS. I wish I could just smile and be positive and it all goes away...but that's not the case.

I DO smile and I DO try to be positive and I DO try to just work against it, but this is a chemical thing going on in my brain and it's so hard to fight that.

I hate writing yucky, negative, whiny, complaining posts but well, this is where I am at today and it's my blog meant to chronicle my life- and this is part of it. is what it is...going to attempt to put my head up and get through this day!(small attempt at positivity)


The Fab Four said...

Hang in there! I can totally relate with the "down in the dumps" mood.. thanks to thryroid disease! I've battled that feeling for a long time so I completely understand the "unmotivated, wishing I could just be positive" stuff.. it's hard but try to remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel! :)

Dawn said...

It's therapeutic and cathartic for you to put these things down - I didn't realize you are bipolar, but I had noticed a trend in your posts, so it makes sense now!