Friday, April 30, 2010

This sucks...

I feel so down in the dumps. Just yucky...unmotivated...like I could sleep for two years straight.

My head feels so foggy...I can't seem to remember anything, therefore, my agenda book is FILLED with small little 'remember-this' notes everywhere!

I hate when I feel like this. Bi-polar at it's worst. I need to go to the store( we literally have 2 diapers, and a very empty fridge)yet it feels like going to the store is the same as running a marathon.

I started a bi-polar mood journal I had Matt print off and put together a year+ ago. I hope tracking my moods will be helpful to see the trends of my disease, as I swing up and down.

I just feel so crappy today that this has to be something I struggle with. I so desperately want to be happy, and productive and just NOT DEAL WITH THIS. I wish I could just smile and be positive and it all goes away...but that's not the case.

I DO smile and I DO try to be positive and I DO try to just work against it, but this is a chemical thing going on in my brain and it's so hard to fight that.

I hate writing yucky, negative, whiny, complaining posts but well, this is where I am at today and it's my blog meant to chronicle my life- and this is part of it.

So...it is what it is...going to attempt to put my head up and get through this day!(small attempt at positivity)

2 comments:

The Fab Four said...

Hang in there! I can totally relate with the "down in the dumps" mood.. thanks to thryroid disease! I've battled that feeling for a long time so I completely understand the "unmotivated, wishing I could just be positive" stuff.. it's hard but try to remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel! :)

Dawn said...

It's therapeutic and cathartic for you to put these things down - I didn't realize you are bipolar, but I had noticed a trend in your posts, so it makes sense now!