i can't call him a baby anymore.

                                                                  but i still will!

                                        two years ago today, I met my beautiful, 9 lb baby!

                                                           and I fell in love immediately.

                             Yet, time will do as it sees fit, and it sees fit to keep on moving!

                                                               Two month old snugglebug.

                                                                     Oh, the cheeks!

Snoozing.

Mohawks Rock.

Baby power.

Michelin Man.

Our blue-eyed, baby boy!

Hunk of love.

Best bruvers. 

Blessed by my boys. 

I heart my baby.

8 months old.

10 months old.

1 year old!

Hanging.

Daddy time equals roughhousing time.

Bad hair day. :)

You are my sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray.

I love you, my sweet little guy.

Sweet, sleeping angel.

Thank you for perfectly completing our family. 

Happy Birthday little guy!! Mama loves you!!

he is as crazy and wonderful as the faces he makes.

Oh how I love him!

There was definitely ice cream.

                                                                  the masonator

                                                                    will.i.am.

                         and my sweet theo baby, who does things his own way!

above photos were stolen from my Instagram loving husband. :)

and then i bawled...

Sunny, clear, beautiful sky. Three swim-clad boys. Windows down. Good tunes flowing out of the speakers. Destination: Splash pad.

And then the lyrics:

What a life to take.
What a bond to break.
I'll be missing you.

I started crying. My 7 year old noticed. Was I surprised he did? That kid notices everything his mama does!

"What's wrong, Mom?'
"I just miss my mom."

           Silence.

"I wish I could have met her."

I thought I was crying before. It sucks that she doesn't know these precious babies of mine. It still amazes me that I can be flitting right along, and then the next, tears. Grief is hard. Grief is still there- 9 years later and probably forever.

And then?
"You will see your mom in heaven one day, right Mom?" "Yes, baby."

The radio plays-
On that morning
When that life is over,
I know...
I'll see your face.

What a SWEET day that will be!

ps  More and more each day, I learn how much God knew I needed this little {big} boy of mine!

the end of thankful week but NOT the end of thankful.

I had previously promised you all that I would do a post each day this week. And I did not. And I do not feel a bit guilty. 

It is not easy for me to view the positive over negative. Most days, I fail. I get so overwhelmed, so frustrated. 

Currently, I am sitting at a counter COVERED in oatmeal and to say my sink is overflowing with dishes would be an understatement. I really have to push myself to focus on what really matters. 

It's not dishes. Or laundry. Or a perfectly organized, always clean home. Sure, it's nice when the house is picked up. 

What really matters though are these little lives that need me to be present: to love them, to hold them, to teach them, to be taught. 

This is a big goal of mine for the year: Appreciate more. Notice the good. Let go of not being able to control everything. I am slowly doing it. And it feels great. 

***Thank you so much for the love this week, friends. ***

thankful, oh so thankful.

Last week, Mason and I were talking about when he was in my tummy. Does your kid loovveee talking about that? Because Mas loves the subject! I tell him what I craved(ice water from McDonalds, baked potatoes, and DQ chocolate ice cream cones), when I first felt him kick (14 weeks), how I called him Mason almost all the way through my pregnancy and absolutely KNEW he was a boy before I ever officially found out. Since he was my first, I remember every.detail. of carrying Mason, down to the date he had his first hiccups in utero (Feb. 4, 2004).

We were chatting about his time hanging out in my tummy, and he asked, "How big did I make your tummy grow, Mom?"

I responded, "soooo big... out to here," (with a gesture) and then I pulled up my shirt to show him my stomach. I told Mason, "See these marks, all over, these pink and white marks? Those are from you growing and stretching out my belly."

He looked at me and said, "Wow Mom, you will NEVER be able to forget about me with those marks. You will always remember me, forever and ever. And when I am at my dad's, all you have to do is look down and think of me. "

And I stopped and pondered: The 7 year old hit the nail on the head.

I abhor my body right now- it's a mixture of carrying three babes and the eating habits that have accrued from boredom or loneliness of being a stay at home mom plus my own poor decisions. I have a bunch of weight to lose and while I AM down 5 lbs (Woot, woot!) I have a long way to go. When I look at myself in the mirror, I sigh and feel disgusted. And I have for a long time.

My sweet 7 year old's words showed me how precious this body is. This body has nurtured and carried three humans.  While I do not choose to have my body look like this forever, right now this is what it is and right now, I need to recognize the worth and beauty of what this body has done!

It doesn't mean I need to eat junk and throw in the towel. It just means I need to love myself where I am at. My boy looked at my sad, saggy, tired, marked-up belly and saw beauty in the place where he grew and thrived.

And then he shared that beauty with me.