What a long, strange trip it's been...

i missed you too. :)

2012-01-12T13:38:00.000-08:00

I smear butter onto a hot dog bun (we are out of bread) and peel a Clementine.

I watch my son take two bites out of the bottom of his bun, and then declare the newly shaped food item, "a choo-choo." He "wheels" it along the table.

I love his world, and I love that he shares it with me.

glimpses of my life

2011-11-29T17:51:00.000-08:00

Matt wraps his arms around me, and sings, "All I ever wanted, all I ever needed, is heeeeeere in MY arms. Words are very unnecessary."

Theo sees me begin to cook and comes running in the kitchen. He scoots a chair over to me, climbs up next to me, points to the stove and says, "Beary, beary hot."

We drop Matt off at work and start the drive towards Mason's school. He reads 'I'll love you forever' to his brothers and sings the song

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be... just like I sing it to him.

Theo is crying for more milk. I ask him to go get his cup, but he is being 2 and refuses. No cup, no milk buddy. Will hops down from his chair and walks over to his baby brother. "It's ok, Feo. What's wrong? You want your miwk?" He walks into the living room and gets the milk cup for his Fe-o.

They teach me so much more than I could ever hope to teach them.

it's a monday.

2011-11-28T09:54:00.000-08:00

I have one sick kid on the couch, who started puking in the car. {Yay for empty cups left laying on the floor!}

I have one potty-training kid who stayed dry ALL DAY yesterday! And that includes one episode of I-am-going-to-scream-while-I-poop-because-it-is-surely-the-most-horrible-thing. Will has sat on the potty for a total of 35 minutes today and still no pee. I am thankful we made it to my school and back home with no accidents but now I am pumping fluids into him to get some out! Wish us luck!

My sweet two year old? He is not so sweet these days. He has a new love for biting, and hitting his brothers with lightsabers. We're working on it. Good thing he is chubby-faced and adorable!

School is wrapping up in about a week and a half, and I am in full writing papers/finishing projects mode. I am sooooo ready for the break. Have I said that? Oh, I have? Well, I am.

Matt and I are also fighting colds, so it's been a bit exhausting around here. And Christmas...don't even get me started on Christmas, because well, I haven't started. I KNOW.

How about you, friends? Are you ready for Christmas, or just out of the holiday spirit this year??

yeah, I'm confused too.

2011-11-21T14:19:00.000-08:00

I pretty much tried to do NaBloPoMo and failed miserably.

I mean, PEOPLE! I am trying to finish a semester, stay on top of the med situation, try to start to maybe, just maybe, THINK, about packing up an entire house with two toddlers underfoot and I.just.can't.

I run out of time every.single.day.

I am so ready to have a month off from papers, projects and deadlines, oh my!
I am ready to show you all some great things I have up my sleeve for this little 'ol blog during the month long break from school.
I am ready to accomplish more than just dishes, dinner, and assignments.

For heavens sake, I went grocery shopping this morning and they are not even all put away yet! It's 315pm here.

I would also like to add that, while writing this post, I have been interrupted three times:
1. For snuggles after a head bonk.
2. For fixing of Will's precious train {which always defers to Daddy. "Oh, Daddy will fix that when he gets home!"}
3. For the filling of sippy cups AGAIN.

This sure is a glamourous life!

In summation:
-I failed at NaBloPoMo. -I feel not an ounce bad about it.
-My life is busy. -Blog posting is hit or miss.
-Please continue to come visit. -Love you all.

thankfulness, part one.

2011-11-17T12:35:00.000-08:00

You may have heard about the thankful challenge on Facebook. The challenge is to post something that I am thankful for every day in the month of November. The following is the first part of the month's thankfulness.

November 1st-Tonight I am thankful for my husband and all that he does and brings to our family. We are so blessed!

November 2nd-Tonight I am thankful for my precious family and the joy they daily bring to my heart. I cannot imagine my life without these 6 wonderful people!

November 3rd-Today I am thankful for modern medicine! I have bipolar disorder and am just so grateful that there is medication that helps me, and I am able to purchase said medication without a second thought.

November 4th-I am thankful for the wonderful, and diverse, friends that I have. Each and every one of them was placed in my life purposefully, and I am so grateful.

November 5th-I am thankful for the two, blissful hours of clothes shopping I was able to do today, thanks to my Matty. Its amazing how efficient one is at shopping WITHOUT a screaming 2 & 3 year old. I scored a pair of $50 jeans for myself for $10! It's the little things!

November 6th-I am thankful for new beginnings! I started Weight Watchers today and am excited to get healthy!

November 7th-I am thankful that God gave me the gift of motherhood. There are so many people who struggle with conceiving and carrying a child, and I was blessed to come by both of these quite easily. I am so thankful for that gift and what it brought me- my gorgeous boys!

November 8th-I am thankful for the precious gift of my Mason God gave to me! I was a baby having a baby, but it was all in Gods plan. Love my oldest boy sooooo much! { And I already said I was thankful for my sons, but I don't care, I am saying it again.}

November 9th-Today I am thankful for my home. It is not perfect and it's nearly always messy but it's warm, cozy and safe. There are many people in this world that cannot say that.

November 10th-I am thankful that both Will & Theo are napping at the SAME TIME! This hasn't happened in months!

November 11th-I am thankful for every man or woman that has fought or served to give me my freedom.

November 12th-I am thankful for this body I have. It's not perfect and has some major fixes (working on it) BUT ( Big but!) it nourished three lives. I grew three humans and my body is miraculous for that!!

November 13th-I am thankful tonight for being lucky enough to have five wonderful senses to experience this beautiful world with. I am blessed to be able to see, hear, smell, taste and touch life!!

November 14th-I am thankful that I am a stay at home mom. I am living the life I used to dream about, and I need to remember that on the hard days.

November 15th-I am thankful for a messy house...it means my children are making memories. :)

on rodents, old houses and moving!

2011-11-16T18:51:00.000-08:00

We live in a super old house- 102 years old, to be exact.

We also live outside of a busy city, in a little city, right by a bunch of fields and farms.

Come wintertime, little rodents like to pay us a visit. Major yuck factor!!

Once again, our traps are out. We have caught 8 mice in 2 days! Grooooossss!

We had decided this past year, that although we rent, we would patch up the holes in the house letting in the disgusting critters. However, since we are now moving, that's not going to happen. So, we live with the ickiness for a few more weeks.

Oh, what's that? You didn't know we were moving? {You do if you are on FB.}

More on why we are moving tomorrow....

freeeeee.

2011-11-15T21:24:00.000-08:00

Today I took my youngest boys out to lunch at Subway after picking Will up from preschool.

While noshing on sandwiches, Will looks at me and says, "Mommy, I freeee (three)."
I showed him how to hold up three fingers. (Not easy when you ARE three, oh the irony.)

Will looked over at Theo and said, "Feo- you twwooo."

However, Theo did not want to be two. He wanted to be three.

"No buddy, YOU are TWO!"

"Me freeee, me freee!"

You are right, you are not two (as you writhe and scream in a restaurant about your age).
I think I proved my point. But not to him.

thank you pinterest.

2011-11-14T21:32:00.000-08:00

For those of you who knew of Pinterest and did not inform me sooner- you are mean.

Why oh why did so many hold out on telling me about such amazingness??

I am Nicole Drysdale-Rickman, find me.

And, if you need an invite, you just let me know.

ps: if YOU want to try this mask, mix:

2 tbsp Honey, 1 tsp Nutmeg, 1 tsp Cinnamon.

Mix and let sit for 30 minutes, rinse well.

It totally made my skin as soft as a baby's butt.

my wonderful firstborn.

2011-11-13T20:22:00.000-08:00

I love my freckle-faced, brown-eyed, auburn-haired, smart-as-a-whip, kind-hearted, blessing!

giving thanks for hope.

2011-11-12T22:57:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday night, late, 11:41pm late, and I am waiting, waiting, waiting on my love to finish up his blog post for the evening.

It's been a long day, it always is in this house. The hours are long and bedtime for my babies means I breathe a sigh that we made it through another day. And that this mama can have some me time for a couple hours.

I am so thankful for these beautiful gifts God gave me. God knew before I did not only how much my children would need me, but how much I would need them.

He knew that I would struggle through the deepest darkest depressions I could ever imagine, and that oftentimes the only light would be my sweet boys. There have been days I have wondered if I could take another step, wondered if it would still be worth it to keep fighting, and with them the answer is always Yes.

They are my breath and my soul and they, along with their sweet daddy, help me keep hope.

And thank God for hope.

Also? Thank God for medication. Wonderful, amazing medication that is helping me slowly regain who I really am.

headless seal

2011-11-11T18:49:00.000-08:00

Only one person will get this title. and that's a-ok. HI KYMIE!!

I have this friend. Who I had many adventures with in my teenage days. But then she moved away-to St. Louis. Sad face.

Last night she was in town with her husband's band. Check them out, they are very good!

And we had to goof off a little with the camera, of COURSE!

i love her.

we are models, can't you tell?!

it looks like i am sitting on her lap. i wasn't.

It takes a long time to grow an old friend. -John Leonard

Lucky lucky girl

2011-11-10T22:54:00.000-08:00

I sit here in bed, next to my handsome man.

He looks at me and I can see his adoration of me.
What did I ever do to deserve his affection?

I feel so incredibly blessed.

our most mellow Oct. 31st

2011-11-09T20:26:00.000-08:00

Um. It's November 9th and I still have not shown you all my kids' Halloween costumes.

Last year's costumes were awesome and there was no way I was going to top them, and to be honest I just could not find the energy.

So, this year, I let the kids pick their costumes from the bucket o' outfits we have accumulated over the years.

Except Mason. Since he is the oldest boy, there are not any costumes big enough to fit him the next year. He got a new costume!

Our Elmo, Anakin Skywalker and Yoda.

We trick-or-treated for about 20 minutes, passed out candy for an hour after that, and called it a night.

It was super mellow and super fun.

*Daph and Jack were with their mom this year, so that's why no pics of all 5.

the most fascinating post you will ever read.

2011-11-08T22:45:00.000-08:00

My brain hurts.
And I have nothing to say.
But, I committed to blogging daily for a month.
Here I am-exhausted with a mile long to-do list to begin in the morning.
One of which involves completing math homework that's 3 weeks late.
Don't judge me.
It's also 11:45pm.
So, Good night.

it all started with a pair of jeans.

2011-11-07T18:40:00.000-08:00

I loved my time alone with my coffee the other day.

I loved finding a new pair of jeans.

What I did not love was the body that faced me in a dressing room mirror.

It is my own doing- my own choices. A choice NOT to exercise. A choice to eat instead of deal with an emotion. A choice to eat more when I am already satisfied. Lots of unhealthy choices.

They are all choices I have made that have led me to this point.

When I stare in the mirror, I don't even recognize myself. I have gained SO much weight and am the heaviest I have ever been.

I finally got sick of the excuses I kept making.

I joined Weight Watchers.

It is Day Two and things are going great, but I am battling bad habits. Bad habits of overeating and boredom snacking.

I am proud of these two days however I have a long way to go. 100 pounds long.

So, I will write out this journey- because writing heals and teaches me.

If you care to join me, you can find my future posts on this subject on my weight loss blog!

skulls, snails and puppy dog tails

2011-11-06T08:14:00.000-08:00

When my meds are off {which they currently are}, I have a hard time relaxing my brain to the point of sleep.

My Matty? He is snoozing the second his head hits the pillow. 'Twas the case last night as Matt was fast asleep on the couch. I was bored and sleepless so I began perusing Old Navy's online selection of clothes for our big boys, Mason and Jack.

This, friends, is what I kept running across:

Skulls. That Represent Death. On Boys Clothing.

Why???

What is the appeal of putting a symbol of death on a piece of fabric a child is wearing?

I don't get it.

And it's not just Old Navy. Look what I found on Target's site:

Not getting this trend, and CERTAINLY not putting this trend on my boys!

Are you as taken aback as I am about this symbol all over boy's fashion? Or could you care less? What's your take on the matter?

i promise there's a point. i think.

2011-11-05T16:55:00.000-07:00

today i thought to myself {and said out loud to my husband} that my children were driving me to madness.

and when i get to the place where i am eager to sell them to the highest bidder, it's time for a break.

we had to go over to the in-laws' house to shovel their driveway {they had been out of town and were coming home} and we thought it would be nice to put some groceries in their fridge so they didn't come home, late at night, to NOTHING.

so we did. and, as we were leaving all the kids wanted to ride with daddy {we had come in separate cars} and suddenly i had an empty car, little kids that were going home to nap, and a daddy available to go with them.

so i took full advantage and hit up the 'ol starbucks. then headed to kohl's to replace my sad and overly used jeans.

i sipped and shopped and breathed deeeeppp breaths. i did not have to wrangle little people flailing all over the place. i did not need to plan a snack to keep them occupied. i did, however need to find some jeans, and find I did! $10, baby for a cute pair! i also managed to save more than i spent, which makes a girl feel gooood.

why do i wait so long to give myself a break? i am always amazed at how restored i am.

my cup was empty and then i filled it- twice: once with sweet, sweet alone time and once with sweet, sweet pumpkin spice latte. :)

just stopping in to say heeeyyy...

2011-11-04T11:52:00.000-07:00

So, first off HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

I thought I loved Fridays before I had kids. But, NOW, as a stay at home mama I love Fridays even more because HELLOOOOOO....DADDY IS HOME!!! ALL WEEKEND!!! Oh, the joy!

I am sick today because of starting up a new medication. It wears off but until then, nausea city! The cure? Pretzels (the salllltt!) and Halloween candy.

I have picked up no less than 4 pairs of my Mattyboy's shoes off the ground today. What IS IT with men not picking up their shoes? Or their empty flavored water cans? If these are really my issues, I guess I have it pretty good.

I am participating in Nablopomo!! So you will be seeing my pretty {and not so pretty} words daily this month!!

So come back tomorrow! I will be here, pounding out my thoughts....this could get scary.

I love my baby boy.

2011-11-03T07:53:00.000-07:00

Theo is quite likely the sweetest two year old you will ever meet.

He was mellow in the womb, mellow as a baby and mellow now. He certainly has had a few tantrums and meltdowns but it's been NOTHING next to his brothers and their records.

Theo and I are sidekicks. I am usually a) being asked to hold him OR b) holding him, as evidenced in my last video. He is a mama's boy through and through and would be content to lay in my arms all the day long. I am happy to oblige.

At 2 years, almost 3 months, he is in love with books, milk, and well, me. I love to munch on his precious cheeks and you know what? His cheeks always taste like candy. Don't ask me how, the kid must just ooze sweetness.

He has captured my heart and as crazy as it was to have two kids in 16 months, I am soooo glad we did!!

no yellow snow involved

2011-11-02T14:03:00.000-07:00

Playing in the snow from Nicole Drysdale-Rickman on Vimeo.

We had another big snow here! 9 inches!!

spinning

2011-11-01T12:30:00.000-07:00

they are getting taller and bigger
and it's November, oh my goodness
which leads to Christmas and then a whole new year and birthdays and
in my head it's already spring, then summer

and I can't slow it down
and I can't catch my breath
because laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, preschool help days, schoolwork, and all the rest of it
doesn't rest.

and oftentimes, I feel like I don't either.
I wake up each day thinking, Did I really sleep?
And is it really another day?

I fight to pull myself out of darkness daily.
I do it more for my children than for myself lately.
Thank God for them.

And I need to get to the doctor, need to tell her the words I hate saying
We need to try something else
But that's another trip, more money, more time that I just don't have.

So I take another anxiety med, do another school assignment, change another diaper, kiss another face.
I feel alone in a sea of faces. I am comforted by the memory of 2 months I felt normal, felt good.
And I know I will be there again soon- just as soon as I find the time.
I will find the time.

Sucktastic Tuesday

2011-10-27T21:15:00.000-07:00

We had a huge snow yesterday...the very first snow of the season. The day started off with so much potential! Falling snow, nowhere to be, movies, babies, snuggling.

I let our dog outside to pee. About 10 minutes later, I heard a banging on our front door.
There was a strange man who told me that my dog was outside. Bonnie escapes all the time through the front gate, so I told him to hang on while I got my shoes.

I go outside and she is laying in the street, one house down. She is not lifting her head. I ask what happened, he says he didn't see her and she must have walked right under the car. I couldn't see any blood, but there was a tear under her leg and it was deep.

I pretty much froze. I didn't know what to do. It was clear she was not ok. I ran back to the house to grab my phone and 30 seconds after I returned, Bonnie stopped breathing. Her eyes were glazed over. The man checked her pulse. She was gone. At this time, Matt was calling me back and I told him what had just happened.

I couldn't think clearly. My head was spinning. The mans daughter was sitting in his truck, bawling. I was bawling. The man started to cry as well. It was horrible.

The man suggested grabbing a sheet so he could carry her back to our house. All I kept thinking was, HOW IS BONNIE DEAD?! I just let her out back minutes ago!

He carried her and laid her in our front room. Matt came home early and buried our dog. I couldn't stop crying. I still cant stop crying. I just feel soo bad for Bonnie, what a horrible way to die. I really hope she wasn't in much pain in those few minutes.

Honestly, she wasn't my favorite dog. She was old and stubborn. But, I sure didn't want her hurt or killed. I miss her following me around today. Our house is eerily quiet. As much of a pain in the butt as she was, she was a part of our family. And I am so sad.

tonight's post brought to you by bullet points.

2011-10-23T21:27:00.000-07:00

-I found a little lump/knot on Theo's neck/back area. We are heading to the doctor this week and I have a knot in my stomach. Please pray it's just something goofy or me overreacting.

-I sat in stop and go traffic tonight for an hour! Ugh. Oh, what's that? You want a picture of that? Well, ok! Head over here: mattrickman365.blogspot.com

-I think my depression meds have stopped working. I have not missed a dose, nothing has changed but suddenly I feel all wonky. Here we go again....

-A friend of mine had a beautiful baby boy this weekend (Baby Dylan). I snuggled and breathed him in today and it was bliss.

What did you do this weekend??

'lil bit of this, 'lil bit of that.

2011-10-13T14:45:00.000-07:00

Last night Matt and I {along with our sidekicks, Will & Theo} chowed down on some amazing grub at this place!

Then we came home where Matt went to work on the old Mac for his newest adventure. You might remember Matt's challenge last year- the one where he committed to biking to work everyday for a year. That's right, through snow, rain and extreme heat & cold- he biked. Never being one to sit still, he has signed on for a new challenge of taking his camera with him everywhere he goes to find the beautiful in the everyday. He blogs his thoughts and a photo nightly- Go check it out!

Today has been full of preschool, story time, and coffee hour with some friends. I have been puttering around the house this afternoon, catching up on my favorite blogs and just generally staying low-key.

In the mood to laugh {when are we not, right?}? These posts had me busting up!

-Stiletto & Diaper's take on alone time

-Parenting in Progress's rad photo shoot

I hope your Thursday is as low-maintenance as mine!

do you know what it feels like for a girl, in this world?

2011-10-10T20:08:00.000-07:00

If I go missing from this space, you can assume that it means

a. I am struggling through a depressive phase.
b. My brain hurts from life and all that it throws and I just cannot formulate the words OR
c. I am having way too much fun to bother writing/typing it down.

Surprisingly, it's all of the above.

So much has happened and yet so little has. I am not seeking to be cryptic but I just don't know how to put into words the growth that is happening in my life lately.

I am trying, really HARD, to be more present with my kids, my family. I am battling anxiety like I have never felt. I am digging my way out of some bad diet habits I have created and am striving to be healthier. And then I fail. And I keep trying. I am battling with the demons in my head that tell me I am not good enough, I can't do it, Why try? I am helping a child in this home conquer something big of his.

I am also REALLY working to see the blessings in all of it. I have been meeting new friends, having new playdates, new experiences, and it's all so dang good.

And all soooo darn exhausting!

All that to say: Change is good. :)

I spent an hour crying tonight.

2011-10-03T21:34:00.000-07:00

Can you tell Daddy is out of town?

I think our horrible evening was due in only part to everyone in this house missing our main man.

Matt doesn't travel much but by the time this trip commences, he will have been gone for half of last month and the beginning of this one {WELL. Hai There October!}

{I am truly thankful for the wives that have military husbands and don't see their spouses for a year at at time, or longer. I cannot even imagine. To me, the sacrifice the wives make is just as big as the sacrifice the serving spouse makes.}

So, we have been missing Matty's handsome face. And the way he "sets the sun" with bedroom lights at bedtime. Also the the way in which one of his hugs can make the world right again- can make the tantrums and frustration of the days melt away.

I mean, just look at Daddy in action:

Look at Theo's adoration of his daddy, it is precious.

We like the guy, can you tell? Thank goodness he will be home soon!

It's been a hard day's night...

2011-09-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

round these parts

2011-09-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

It's 10:24 round these parts.

I have an assignment I need to do {due this evening} and a chapter to read{hello kids nap time}. I had planned to spend the day catching up on laundry, picking up the house and doing homework.

WELL. The universe said we have different plans for you.

It started with the sound of water. Where is that COMING from?
Oh, hello overflowing disgustingness from toilet and bathtub. Oh hello ANOTHER, way gross mess to pick up. Oh, GOODBYE to my plans! and HELLO to a plumber....

I have also been eaten alive by mosquitoes and am feeling madly itchy at the moment. My kids are wound for sound, Matt has the car today and there have already been 4 timeouts. I am trying to stay positive but it's not looking good, folks.

on anxiety and Target

2011-09-20T15:32:00.000-07:00

I met a friend for coffee this morning and ate up all my productive time.
I forgot that I took the last pill in the bottle before bed, yesterday.
We don't usually go to Target at nap time. Today, it was necessary.

I pull into the parking lot and glance back at their seats.
I knew it!
It was far too quiet. They are both out cold.

I sit and think for 5 straight minutes.
Is this worth it? Worth all the screaming that could occur for interrupting nap time?
I decide it is.

I grab a cart and load everything in I will need
BEFORE waking them. Purse, wallet, keys, phone.
I open the door and take a deep breath.

I put one baby into the cart and buckle him.
I promise him juice to keep him happy.
My 3 year old clings to me.

I undo his grip to put him into the cart with his brother.
He starts to fuss. I start to fuss inside my head.
See? What were you thinking?

I promise my two babes juice. And popcorn.
Lots of popcorn. It's ok guys. Oh yes, let's have a hug.
Ok, let's hurry!

In we go. First juice, of course the juice!
A big bag of popcorn, they are munching away
I hit the pharmacy, grab mouse traps, folders and notecards.

I giggle with my boys.
They still munch.
We walk to checkout.

They throw popcorn on the checkout belt.
I pick it up, grab a wipe, it's my second nature now to clean after these boys.
I pay, we exit.

Back into the car we go, big handfuls of popcorn.
It all worked out. It was actually fun.
Isn't that how it always goes?

I need to remember that the next time.

This post was inspired by Heather of the Extraordinary Ordinary who has inspired many bloggers to get back to writing simply.

it is what it is.

2011-09-17T11:46:00.000-07:00

Its early Saturday afternoon in these parts and I am needing to accomplish a plethora of math homework and Human A&P studying.

I really feel like the 3 1/2 months school is in session {just the fall} and the 4 months in the spring semester are madness.

My house is a disaster. My kids live on Disney movies. And it just is what it is. I cannot make more time magically appear. Papers and studying take priority. Also? My anxiety medicine disappears down my throat much more rapidly. Don't worry, I am not overdosing it or anything. I take it on an as needed basis and during the school year it is much more needed.

So that's what it is here. I am in survival mode. I am already itching for it to be December, because that means I get a month long break and the constant stress, worry and crazy time balancing game calms for a month.

How is your Saturday going???

They say it's your birthday...

2011-09-14T08:47:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to the most wonderful man:

My Matty!!!

achoo!

2011-09-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

We park in our usual spot- right by the flowers. I unbuckle Theo's seat and scoop him out. He was just sleeping, and has that freshly woken dazed look.

I carry him. He nuzzles his spot in my neck. "Doowwnnnn", he says.

He waddles along. I hear him breathe in deeply and think, He is going to sneeze.

Then CHOO! He shakes it off and stares up at me. Smiles.

"Do you want my hand, buddy?" "Yaahhhhhhh...."

I walk, he waddles, hand in hand into the preschool building to pick up his big brother.

Bliss.

This post is inspired by:

how many people can you fit in YOUR bathroom?

2011-09-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

You know that moment in time where everything in your life {kids, husband, life in general}is creeping up under your skin? Please tell me you know.

Anyway, I reached that place this weekend and knew I needed some time away to just be Nicole.
So I escaped.

Where do I go when I need to escape? To my girlfriends, of course!!

see this tiny bathroom? apparently it fits 5 people!

it was hilarious at the time.

ok, 6!

here's to stupid jokes that make you laugh until you almost pee!

but hey, I guess we would have been in the right room if that happened! {ba dum ch}

my girlfriends fill my cup to overflowing...

for the love of mommy's sanity, NAP!!!

2011-09-10T13:44:00.000-07:00

Please, PLEASE tell me I am not the only one whose kids are trying to kill me with nap battles.

#1. My 2 and 3 year olds DO still need a nap. Without one, they start disintegrating into screaming zombies around 5pm, and bedtime is not until 730pm.
#2. Mommy needs them to have a nap. My little monkeys get up right about 6, if not sooner. Have you ever spent six straight hours with a toddler and preschooler? In addition to all the other tasks going on around here? It's exhausting. So yes, I absolutely admit that I need that time too- to clean, do schoolwork or just BE for a few.
#3. They have a set nap time. It is the same every!day! When the time changes, we change the nap one hour in whichever direction it needs to go. We have a routine as well. They are allowed one small toy {a car, a doll, etc} to take with them, they have calming music, we turn their fan on, we do kisses and hugs and then it's time.

Yet still, it is SUCH a battle about 4/7 days of the week. The other day, I sat up by their bedroom for two hours and kept going in, laying them back down, going in, over and over and over until I wanted to pull my hair out. I can't do that everyday or even 4 days. I can't.

We have tried splitting them up to nap, it's that much harder. I have tried staggering their nap times separately however then I end up with one falling asleep just as the other wakes, and that just plain 'ol stinks.

DOES ANYBODY HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS? I WOULD KISS YOU! WHAT WORKS FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE TWO KIDS TRYING TO NAP AT THE SAME TIME IN THE SAME ROOM? ANY TRICKS UP MY READERS' SLEEVES TO MAKE MY KIDS DO THIS REGULARLY?

Thank you immensely,
The lady who is losing her mind

the end of an era.

2011-09-09T17:15:00.000-07:00

five ~~and counting~~.

this is my friday...

2011-09-09T12:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday it took my boys two HOURS to nap! TWO!
Today, it took 10 minutes. Motherhood is so unpredictable.

I am having oatmeal and hot peach tea for lunch. It's amazing.

My living room floor is covered in tracks and trains. I could have asked the 3 year old to pick them up but we were having far too much fun before nap time and I just did not want to. It's sooo worth it to pick them up myself today.

In just about two hours, Matt will come pick me up and I will drive him to the appointment that means no more babies for us. It is needed, but so sad.

How is your Friday shaping up?

round and round and it's wonderful.

2011-09-08T11:48:00.000-07:00

This morning I dropped my 3 year old dude off at preschool.
Then I took my 2 year old dude to story time.

Our story time rocks! There is not constant shhh-ing and asking toddlers to sit. Instead, kids are encouraged to move, jump, sing, laugh and just.be.kids. The leader of this story time loves children with all her heart and it shows. Her patience is endless. Her joy is genuine. It's a good time. Because of this, it's a BIG group. I am talking at least 20 parents with 1-2 kiddos a pop. Big!

Mr. Theo prefers to sit in my lap, rather than dance around. {Go figure. The kid won't stop moving at home, I take him out in public and Wham! I have a lap buddy!}

Today, as I was singing 'The Wheels on the Bus go Round and Round, round and round, round and round' I looked around at 20 other parents singing it with me. 20 other parents spending time with their kids being silly. 20 other parents who get it.

And I realized I am right where I am supposed to be.

I am a stay at home mama and I am so blessed. So, very, very blessed.

It's Wednesday, I haven't had my coffee yet and I only know four things.

2011-09-07T08:24:00.000-07:00

1. I just had leftover chili for breakfast. Best!Breakfast!Ever!

2. I have an extraordinary amount of laundry/dishes/dusting/homework to do today and not one ounce of energy to begin.

3. All of my boys have colds. Even the adult boy.

4. There will be an obscene amount of children's movies played in my living room today. See #2.

Happy Wednesday!! What do you know today?

what can I say? i love his lips!

2011-09-06T21:52:00.000-07:00

how i get by.

2011-09-04T21:56:00.000-07:00

I felt it today. Hard. That familiar pull that tells me, "Just go climb in bed and sleep all day-it's a waste of time to be up, to be alive." My depression sneaks in so suddenly, and then WHAM! I HAVE been taking my medication for just about 2 months now, but it does not completely eradicate these feelings.

I am so thankful for a partner who is compassionate to this yuck. I shared my feelings and he wisely told me to get up and move around. The thought sounds lovely, but the effort- not so much. So then he said, "Just stand up."

I stood. He put on music, took my hand and danced with me.

Then I decided all of us needed to escape the house for a bit! So I made sandwiches for supper, rinsed a huge container of grapes and we walked to the park near our house. We ate our pb&J's and watched the sunset. The boys played and played while I took on a swinging competition with Miss Daphne.

Then we walked home where a Jason Mraz concert was still playing on the tv. So we danced. How can one be depressed while watching a 3 year old shake his booty? You just cannot.

These are the moments that get me through. Thank goodness for these beautiful lives that surround me with love when I am down.

clickety click

2011-09-02T14:52:00.000-07:00

Kelly's Korner is hosting a favorite bloggers link up and I am participating!

Without further ado, here are five bloggers that I cannot get enough of!

1. Kalli at My life as a Kalli is a Mormon stay at home mom of two adorable boys and I love her take on the world!

2. Stacia at Five of Spaids is a stay at home mama of three awesome kids. She is a friend of a friend and we met through our blogs! I love her superpower of jumping right into my brain, picking the words out I was thinking and putting them in her post. I really relate to her.

3. Natalie blogs at Nat the Fat Rat, lives in New York and has the squishiest baby boy ever. AND his name is Huck- it doesn't get cuter than that. I appreciate the rambliness of her posts and her humor!

4. Chrissa at A Snapshot of Us is actually my cousin through marriage! Even though we have never met in person, I think she is one amazing mother and person, and her writings often touch my heart.

5. Jess at The Macs blogs about the loss of her baby girl, Cora, her handsome son Levi, her impending baby boy arrival, and her walk with God. Her decorating skills are amazing, and I wish I knew this woman in real life.

These are some of my favorite blogs, what's one of yours?

touched out is an understatement tonight.

2011-09-01T19:06:00.000-07:00

you know that day where the two year old wakes up saying no from the second you pull him out of bed? and then continues to repeat the word all day, sometimes screaming it, while you try to get two children fed, bathed, dressed and out the door? and then he continues to scream it during preschool drop off?

and then i decided to be the fun mom who takes her kid to story time and that kid does not even participate but either a) sits in my lap or b) lays on the floor, wailing. kid! this is fun! it's ok to laugh!

and then you are invited to meet friends for coffee and you have an hour to kill before preschool pickup so you go and the two year old refuses to play at the really cool coffee shop play area for kids, but instead would prefer to climb up you, climb on top of a table, dump an entire baggie full of pretzels on the floor, and whine.

and then 5 minutes before you have to leave, the 2 year old becomes quite engrossed {suddenly!} in playing and now does not want to leave. and is telling you so with his screams. and by taking his shoes off for the upteenth time in the car.

so you get to preschool pickup and say, forget it, I am NOT putting that kids shoes on AGAIN. so you rush inside with a barefoot toddler because you are running late due to toddler antics, where your anxious 3 year old thinks you forgot him.

then you should also add in to this mix: not one, not two, but THREE little boys getting colds, one little boy coming home from his dads with his well-timed attitude and dealing with a moronic ex. Oh, please do not leave out that the husband is out of town and your kids have chosen that precise time to awake an hour earlier than normal each day AND not fall asleep until past 10pm.

so you put all your kids to bed early, wish you were into wine because you would totally have a ~~bottle~~ glass if you were and retire to bed early. with a bowl of honey greek yogurt.

and by you, of course I most definitely mean me.

I would ask for a hug but if one more person touches me today, I might scream.

this post brought to you by country music

2011-08-31T10:10:00.000-07:00

I was 19 with a red apron tied on over my swollen belly. I was throwing dough in the air in a hot pizza kitchen. The music was blaring good 'ol Brad Paisley and my boss, himself a Brad, was checking pizzas in the oven.

I lived with the man that I thought I was supposed to. I wore long sleeves to work to hide the bruises on my arms, and my boss surely had to have known. I was so sad and scared but I tried my damnedest to hide it! I figured if I made my life sound pretty enough, then one day it would actually be that wonderful, and besides I couldn't bring a baby into this world alone.

He didn't hit me everyday. That was my excuse for him. I lived out that nightmare, day by day, wishing I could have a different life, and sometimes just wishing life could end.

I worked with my boss Monday through Friday from 8-4. Work was my reprieve. Brad was married with two small kids. Often his youngest would be in the back in the morning, watching movies. When he spoke of his wife or she came by to pick up their youngest, his eyes lit up. He was truly in love with his spouse and it showed- in every action he took and every word he spoke. It was the first time in my life I witnessed love that did not hurt. He was a good man and a wonderful husband and father in a time when I had lost hope that any existed.

I worked in the pizza kitchen for 2 years. In that time, I came to know Brad and his family well. I watched over and over as he showed respect to his wife, as he cheered his wife and his children on in everything they attempted. In the slow times at the restaurant, we would chat and I felt safe enough to tell him my own dreams for this life inside of me, for myself. He never judged me or spoke an unkind word. Day after day, he encouraged me.

The business was put up for sale. A new manager took over and it was my time to move on. So, I did. Over time, I gained enough strength to leave that man. While I still had to parent a child with him, I was not subjected to his violence and have done my very best to protect my child from such. I was doing the single mom thing. And then one day, along came this guy- this wonderful man who made my heart skip a beat and whose eyes lit up every time he saw me. He is a man who respects me, who listens to me, and it's him and I against the world. We are a team, and we are oh so blessed.

This wonderful man is out of town this week and so I put on my country music {because he hates it}. Brad Paisley comes through the speakers and his lyrics pull me back to that time-the time where I had no hope that true love or good people existed until a truly good man showed me differently. I realized today, that my old boss gave me more than just a job, he gave me faith that I would be ok, that there was someone who would treat me how I deserved, that life really is beautiful.

That is better than all the paychecks in the world.

motherhood: confusing me since 2004

2011-08-30T11:53:00.000-07:00

Today was the day that my second to last baby went to preschool. I went to the park afterwards with one child. And I find myself in a strange position about the matter.

On one hand, I should be happy that my children are growing and that we are moving into a new stage of our lives. They need me less physically {goodbye pregnancy and nursing} and more and more mentally {my three year old can sometimes outsmart me, that little whipper snapper}.

I should be. Yet, in the fashion that I often find myself, I am feeling the exact opposite of how I should be.

I am deeply sad. Mourning the loss of the difference. Mourning the end of seven years of birthing, nourishing, and thriving babies. In addition, my lovely husband is having the procedure done next month that will forever end our baby era.

I know this next stage of life is going to bring wonderful changes and this is the era of having a marriage that isn't attacked by the stress of back to back babies, and our babes are growing and we have FIVE healthy and amazing kids and I know that I know that it's good.

Sometimes it's just hard to say goodbye.

afternoon naps are grand.

2011-08-27T21:45:00.000-07:00

yes they are. but sometimes when all the kids in the house are up from their nap/quiet time before i am, and the husband wakes me up {even if it's the nicest, most snuggly wake up EVER} i still wake up grumpy.

and then require far more attention from my husband than a grown woman should.

at one point this afternoon, I recall saying just this:

"Can you just stop everything you are doing and give me your full attention please, for um, a WHILE?!"

Yep....I can be a bit needy. Good thing I have one awesome mate.

another one bites the dust.

2011-08-22T13:38:00.000-07:00

goodbye summer. we loved every minute of you- the lazy ones, the adventurous ones, and even the excruciatingly hot ones!

i have a 2nd grader! i do not feel old enough to have a 2nd grader!

totally in awe of his big brother!

the kid rejects pictures. but look! he wanted his own backpack, "just like mason."

we are tired.

Did you know in 2nd grade, walking your kiddo into his actual classroom does not exist anymore? I did not. I totally showed some self-restraint because I wanted to walk my baby, AHEM-my 7 year old into his class! Sigh.

"Bye Mom!" from Nicole Drysdale-Rickman on Vimeo.

and I already miss him.

we have reached THAT point.

2011-08-16T14:03:00.000-07:00

the point where my kid needs to use the potty. or even go once. or have some freaking interest!

i try not to be affected by the fact that three year olds all around us are potty trained! but i am!

just.use.the.potty.kid!!

So: questions for you!

1. When said kid {i am looking at you, will} flat out refuses to use the potty, do you force them?
2. What has worked for YOU???
3. Since Theo is newly 2, is it wise or insane to just potty train them both?? {it makes me crazy happy to think of no.more.diapers! in our house!}

glimpses of my life

2011-08-15T09:10:00.000-07:00

We had oatmeal for breakfast. I added brown sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg. It was amazing. 4/5 kids finished it completely. That is amazing too.

My 3 year old just walked into the living room, wearing his 7 year old brother's winter boots. Hysterical is not enough of a word to tell you how comical it is!

I spent my weekend going through boxes of papers that have accumulated over the death of a parent, 6 years and a good bit of procrastination. I am not even close to being done, but I will keep plugging along.

Also? We finally hung all our clothes up in our fixed closet! Makes it much easier to navigate in our room!

School starts for me (and Mason!) one week from today! I may take back that exclamation mark shortly.

I have decided it's off to the mall for us! Does your mall have a play area? Ours does, and it saves my life on super cold/hot days, and also when we just need to get OUT!!

in the still of the night.

2011-08-14T11:13:00.000-07:00

If your three year old is as OBSESSED with trains as my three year old, then you will know how BIG of a deal it was to see a train!train! on the way home from late night excursions!

and if you know my Matty, you know how he manages to find the beauty in little things, like this shot he took 2 minutes from our house.

hello moto.

2011-08-11T16:24:00.000-07:00

in case you wondered where i had gone after my recent posting increase? did you wonder?

because i have an answer:

and it comes in the shape of a pill bottle.

i started up on some different medication for my bipolar disorder, and per usual with medications it made me quite a tired girl.
{i am usually the side effect queen}

juuusstt as i was getting used to life again, we {my doctor and i} added another med to the mix. and it knocked me to the ground.
as in:
constant dizziness
nausea
sleeping 12 hours a night and still feeling exhausted
having a hard time keeping my eyes open during the day

it will regulate. but until then, i have no energy. no motivation. I pull myself around my house, doing the chores I must do, and resting the rest of the time.

it sucks, yes it does. but it's better than where i was.
it was important to me to get this new med in my system with weaning side effects before school starts back up! {10 days!}
and so i am.

Bedtime thoughts.

2011-08-07T22:48:00.000-07:00

I take forevvveeerr to fall asleep! Forever! And Matt? Well, he is asleep the very second he lays down.

Often, I entertain myself with my iPad until I get sleepy, and tonight I was doing just that.

All of a sudden, Matt rolls over, hugs me close, and whispers in my ear: "I am all yours."

Then he rolls back over and falls asleep.

Made.my.night!

i can't call him a baby anymore.

2011-08-06T12:07:00.000-07:00

but i still will!

two years ago today, I met my beautiful, 9 lb baby!

and I fell in love immediately.

Yet, time will do as it sees fit, and it sees fit to keep on moving!

Two month old snugglebug.

Oh, the cheeks!

Snoozing.

Mohawks Rock.

Baby power.

Michelin Man.

Our blue-eyed, baby boy!

Hunk of love.

Best bruvers.

Blessed by my boys.

I heart my baby.

8 months old.

10 months old.

1 year old!

Hanging.

Daddy time equals roughhousing time.

Bad hair day. :)

You are my sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray.

I love you, my sweet little guy.

Sweet, sleeping angel.

Thank you for perfectly completing our family.

Happy Birthday little guy!! Mama loves you!!

friday night confession:

2011-08-05T20:03:00.000-07:00

I pee in the shower.

Please leave your friday night {or sat/sun day/afternoon/evening} confessions in the comments!

blogging rocks my socks off.

2011-08-05T07:14:00.000-07:00

Do it for yourself. Do it to document your life. Do it to look back and smile.

I started blogging a little under 3 years ago. It began as a way to keep family and friends updated. It continues as my outlet- a place to write my dreams, my thoughts, and all the daily in-between of our life. I love looking back at what I have recorded here in this space.

And so, I will continue to blog- for as long as it enriches my life.

Please feel free to add your 2¢ at Kelly's Korner with your best blogging tips!!

little girls are crazy.

2011-08-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

We found this little note on Daphne's door Saturday. Matt and I could not stop laughing! {Cari is her neighborhood friend.}

yo. from Nicole Drysdale-Rickman on Vimeo.

please excuse the crazy hyena laughing. my husband cracks me up.

yes it is.

2011-08-03T17:13:00.000-07:00

I just woke up from taking a late afternoon nap while Will snoozed in my arms too, and in the haze of sleep, I thought:

life is good.

face palm.

2011-08-01T14:26:00.000-07:00

I am a prepared mama whenst {it's kind of like whilst. i like it. accept it.} out with my children. Very prepared. There is usually an extra outfit for the 2 & 3 year olds, toys to keep them all entertained, snacks a plenty for my crew, and then some for any other child as well, diapers, wipes, drinks, wallet, sunglasses, hats, and on and ooooonnnn...

I am a very prepared mama. I have found that being prepared means we spend less money while out, we are able to adventure for longer amounts of time, and the amount of time we are out is more quality time because we all stay happy.

Well then I decided to take my 5 children to the lake and meet my best friend and her son.

So this required all of the above items, PLUS a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, a jar of jelly, a knife, a tub of blueberries {washed} and 6 huge Nalgenes filled with ice water. I also threw in sunscreen, mosquito spray, 7 beach towels, a comforter to sit on, dry bottoms for the 6 & 7 year old, a blow up water floatie, swim diapers, and probably 75 other items I am leaving out.

I was prepared.

Until I arrived at the lake and found 5 children all running in forty directions and only one me to keep my two eyes on all five bodies. In addition to those tasks were making sandwiches, blowing up the floatie, and eating my own sandwich. I soon learned that 5 out of 5 of my kids had attitude, talking back, and basic disobedience packed in their bag, unbeknownst to me.

I then realized: I was so very unprepared.

It took me 3 hours to get us all ready and out the door. We stayed a little over an hour.

Sigh. Stomp, stomp, pout, pout, whine, whine. Biiiggg heeeaavvyyy siiigghhh....

i am the earring queen.

2011-07-31T12:47:00.000-07:00

hi friends!

these are my favorite earrings- bought at a walmart in topeka, kansas for $5.99.

And then! two weeks back I saw the same earrings in GOLD! at target! not ugly gold but funky-bollywood-gold and I loved them! but I had already spent too much money on earrings that week, and at that very moment had 2 pairs in hand to take to the register!

so i put them back. the minute i left the store, i knew i made a grave earring mistake.

so, the next day, i went back. and they were GONE! My earrings! oh, i mourned those earrings!!

i guess it wasn't meant to be.

{but there are two more Targets in the area. how silly would it be to check out those stores?
don't answer that.}

Have you ever made a grave earring/shopping mistake?

and in other news, yesterday's post was the most I have ever blogged in one month!!

up and down and round and round

2011-07-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

Thumbs Up: I have been taking a new medication for my bi-polar depression!

Thumbs Down: This medication makes me as tired as a first trimester pregnant woman, while I get used to it. I fell asleep on the couch Tuesday for 20 minutes when all the kids were up! Yikes!

Thumbs Up: It's the weekend! which means I am currently spending two straight days with my love, and all our little people! Woot woot!

Thumbs Down: I counted over 40 mosquito bites between Will & Theo this week after they got out of bed. I think a mosquito {or two} made its way into their room. My poor babes.

Thumbs Up: Today we are having a birthday party at the park for Jack {whose bday was last week} and Theo {whose birthday is next week}. I am super excited to celebrate our boys and visit with friends and family!

{and because I would rather end on a good note}

Thumbs Up: I have heard from so many wonderful, new readers this week! Thank you so much everyone for all the comment love!

Tell me....what has you up & down today?

ha. hahaha. ha.

2011-07-29T11:59:00.000-07:00

If I am not perfect as a spouse, then I am definitely not perfect as a mother. I have been rocking this gig for 7 years and by rocking, I mean: trying, trying, trying and failing often.

It's trial and error, friends. And laughing at yourself a LOT! And if you are a parent, you already know that. If I had to think of one piece of best parenting advice, it would be this:

Have fun and enjoy your children.

I struggle with this often- in fact, I am struggling with this today. 9 year old girls are no joke. Neither are boys- of all ages. And there do have to be rules and consequences for breaking them, and all that. But life is short. SUPER DUPER SHORT! I surely do not want to wake up tomorrow and wish I would have done more fun outings, smiled more, laughed with my kids more, hugged them more.

I try sooo hard to remember that for kids, playing and being silly is their job. That's how they learn and grow and their sweet innocence about it all is meant to teach us {the boring adults} as much as we need to teach them.

Mas'o'bass rocking it out!

So, while I can never get it just right {bc hey I am still human} I say, HAVE FUN!

and THAT is my best parenting advice!

Kelly's Korner is hosting a link up with your best parenting tips. Feel free to add your 2¢!

proudly sporting my nerd card

2011-07-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

i should be embarassed to show you this video.

but...i'm not.

i am a nerd and i embrace it fully.

plus, i had a blast on this bachelorette weekend camping trip with my besties!

without further ado, here i am {along with some great girls} in all my nerd glory:

Songfest 2011 from Nicole Drysdale-Rickman on Vimeo.

life keeps on rolling

2011-07-28T09:46:00.000-07:00

and i want to share all of it with her! i am growing, changing, loving this life. I want to thank her for giving me this life to love. i want her to know how well she mothered me, how well she gave me the tools to be a spectacular mother to my own crew, how she rocked her time here.

if i only had 17 years with her, i should be sad. and lots of times, i am! but then, i think: i had 17 years with this amazing blessing of a mother, and some people don't have a mother at all. or a family. and she laid down a fantastic example for me and it was a gift.

words could never express how thankful i am for this gift.

and this is how i end up hiding in the bathroom at 730am.

2011-07-27T00:00:00.000-07:00

It starts out smoothly.

I open the door to the babes' room. {Hurray for doorknob covers that lock the crazies in!}
We go downstairs.
I change diapers.
I throw away diapers.
I wash my hands.
They ask for bananas.
I give them bananas.
Will asks for water, Theo asks for soy milk.
I give Will water, and Theo soy milk.
I grab a banana myself.
But, see?
Their bananas are already eaten.
They see my banana.
And each want a piece.
Which ends up being over half my damn banana.
So, instead I grab my banana.
Head to the bathroom
and lock myself in.
Hey, we do what we have to do.

he is as crazy and wonderful as the faces he makes.

2011-07-26T14:20:00.000-07:00

Oh how I love him!

blogging is an amazing thing.

2011-07-25T08:09:00.000-07:00

How many times have I woken up, feeling thoughts of doubt, thoughts that I thought were only mine? How many times have I scoured the internets, only to find that all across the world, there are people feeling things similar to my feelings? How many times have I read a perfect stranger's words and related so well, that they now become my friend? How many times have I been surprised to connect with a perfect stranger across the globe, or right in my own neighborhood? Blogging surely is an amazing thing.

Here are a few blog posts that have had me thinking the past few days:

AllisonO's bold statement to the world! {Go Allison!}

Sweetney's candid thoughts about changing lifestyle and other's reactions

Steph's thoughts on saying yes more to your kids!

Marianne's view on being an American, a stay at home mom and a resident of France

This weekend, all we did was lay low and veg- it was great! This afternoon we plan to spend the afternoon splashing in a kiddie pool and eating popsicles- what are your plans for the day??

me giving marriage advice...this should be good.

2011-07-24T18:52:00.000-07:00

It's laughable, really- because we have far from the "perfect" marriage. I am learning that such a thing does not exist. Matt is absolutely the only one for me, but we are certainly not perfect. I am so grateful to have such a wonderful, hardworking partner and a loving, very present father for our children. However, that doesn't mean things are always easy or lovey-dovey. We keep learning, and keep trying. I think that is what's important. We have gone through our fair share of trials this year alone, but we always come out the other side- happier and wiser.

As for my two cents worth?

.01- For every five things you want to say to your partner, hold your tongue four times. If you are anything like me, you stick your foot in your mouth. Um, a LOT. I have been learning to thiinnnkkkk before I speak.

These three questions help me. Before I speak, I think:
1)Is it true?
2)Is it kind?
3)Is it necessary?

Obviously, there are times we need to say the things others need to hear but about a year ago, I was to the point where all I was doing was criticizing Matty- and noONE is that awful. I really needed to change my way of thinking and talking, and I have, and it has helped our marriage sooo much.

.02- Make time for each other, in whatever way you can. It is oh so important! Matt and I do not have family that is willing to watch our kids so we can spend time together. Because of this, we have had to be creative. We can't always afford to fork out $50-75 for a sitter. In the times we cannot, we put the kids to bed a bit earlier, and eat dinner together. No tv. No phones. We unplug and talk. We have really had to learn how to squeeze time in, but it is worth it!

There happened to be an occasion just like this a few weeks ago. We only had the babies {who are not babies but I refuse to stop calling them such} and they go to bed at 7:30. So I placed PB&J's & bananas in a baggie and loaded my kids in the car. They munched, and we drove to get Chinese food. See?

That right there is a gourmet dinner.

Yes, my 3 year old is in only a diaper. It's summer. And they didn't get out of the car.

Yes, Theo is only in a diaper and shirt. This is how desperately we needed a date night.

Will dug his dinner-in-a-baggie!

My handsome date for the evening...

Tired mama ready to spend time with her love...

When we arrived home, the kids were done with dinner! So we brushed their teeth and put them to bed! Then sat and enjoyed our Chinese and a drink without being climbed on...

Can't forget the cream cheese wontons!

And that's how we have to do dates sometimes. It has been so refreshing to have us time back as a priority. And has truly helped refresh us too. So there's my .02¢- it works for us!

Feel free to head on over to Kelly's Korner and link up your best marriage advice!

random strangers: take note

2011-07-20T10:55:00.000-07:00

A couple things:

#1. Despite what you may think, I do NOT need your parenting advice. Just because my parenting style is not the same as yours, does not mean either one of us is wrong. As long as I am not physically harming my children {which I am not}, what works for your family is fine for you and what works for my family is fine for me. OPEN YOUR MIND.

#2. I realize that by having multiple children, many people think I know everything about raising babies. Guess what? I don't! Each of my kids is a new child, with a new personality, and each one responds differently. I have a lot of experience raising babes but my children and I are learning with each other, and I don't know everything so please try and use the same compassion you would give a new mother.

#3. When you see me and my children out in public, please try to understand that you are viewing less than 15 minutes of my life and my kids. You have no clue what has just happened in the car, on the way in or what our particular kids excel at or struggle with.

#4. I know that having 3-5 kids on any given day is bound to draw attention to us anywhere we are, whether it's the grocery store or the library. Guess what else? We do not like to be stared at. If you want to talk to us, come talk to us. Have a question? Ask. {as long as it abides by the previously stated guidelines} But, please, don't gawk. Yes, we have five children and our hands are very full, but so are our hearts. :)

#5. And this is most important: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!

I sincerely hope this penetrates the brain of the better than thou parents I keep running into.
Parenting is hard, people. For all of us in different ways- try your hardest not to judge.

**Rant over.**

i want to run away

2011-07-19T16:02:00.000-07:00

Anywhere else but here is fine.

How many times do you tell your 3 year old to pick up his tracks? Because I have just told him for the 45,000th time and its still not happening. Timeouts? those arent working. Spankings? ha.haha. that's a joke. It seems the only thing that does work is supervising him through every.darn.second. of pickup. And that, friends is just exhausting. And I don't have time for it.

My 7 year old is in his bed for the night {at 5pm} because of his straight up attitude all day, non stop, every moment. AND he lost going to see the new Harry Potter movie with me tonight.

and Theo? Well, Theo is just sweet. However, after dealing with his two crazy brothers and a doctors office that prescribed me a new med which cost $400 out of pocket{yeah,not happening}, which then resulted in phone call after phone call BACK to the doctors office which I spent ALLLLL Morning at, WITH my three boys in tow, just to get ANOTHER prescription FINALLY at 5pm, and DURING that time there was an entire container of brown sugar spilled unto the floor and an errand to run a box {yes, a box} to Matt's work, poor Theo is not getting much of his mama!

Yep. It's time to run away.

Even if it's just to Starbucks.

{It's 12am, I am exhausted, and other random thoughts}

2011-07-16T00:03:00.000-07:00

The good 'Ol insomnia bug has made it's way into my head! And it's fuuuunnnn.

I also don't sleep when Matt goes out of town, but the plus side to sleeping by myself? I love freezing cold sheets, but they warm up fast and when I have the WHOLE bed to myself, I get the whole bed of cold sheets!

I have decided to start canning some homemade jam. I read a blog post about it and it seems fairly simple. Please tell me if it is really not, because simple is all I can handle these days.

I started an Encouragement folder in my email. I put inspiring quotes I find in there, nice things people say (via fb, blog and/ or person to person). When I am having a down day, I go read through the folder. It's a bit silly but it works. Truly.

I am currently watching The Sopranos and am highly jealous that Matt falls asleep the moment his head hits the darn pillow!

I wish I had my phone with me upstairs because my aunt is also a night owl (hi aunty enchilada!) and we have good chats in the hours between 10p-1a. I am too lazy to walk downstairs and get it.

We are having pancakes in the morning (my matty makes the BEST, from scratch pancakes) and Will has been asking and asking. I think he gets sick of my breakfasts. I dole out lots of toast, eggs, cereal, bars, bananas, and oatmeal. But not all together, of course. I am NOT the cook in this family. I do bake well though!

Typing out this blog post, on my iPad no less, has finally! made! me! sleepy! And so I bid thee adieu...

Missing my hammock...

2011-07-14T07:38:00.000-07:00

Here in these Colorado parts, the afternoon rain storm has become something fierce! There is flooding in many parts of the state, and you just never know when you will be caught in a downpour.

Add in the extreme heat {ok, it's probably not extreme for some but it IS for ME!}, and the crazy vicious mosquitos this year, along with a city that has not sprayed for the buggers yet, and being in my backyard is not so fun. Even with heavy duty bug spray my kids are still coming in with welts from the bites.

We have a lot of splash park playdates, trips to the air conditioned mall play area, and ice cream runs. I am really missing the spring days where I could take a book and a drink to my lovely hammock.

Oh spring, how I miss your calm.

I cannot do this now or I would have 15 bites in 30 seconds.

ahhh, bliss.

There was definitely ice cream.

2011-07-13T08:54:00.000-07:00

the masonator

will.i.am.

and my sweet theo baby, who does things his own way!

above photos were stolen from my Instagram loving husband. :)

The word of the day is sandwiches.

2011-07-12T16:32:00.000-07:00

Today could not have been more perfect.
Seriously.

My boys slept in until 9am. NINE AM, FOLKS!! Which means, so did I.

I gave them toast with peanut butter and oranges for breakfast and then hopped in the shower. And took a shower from start to finish {including shaving!} with no tantrums from either the 2 or 3 year old and no arguments between the 7 and 3 year old.

Showering by 10am just doesn't happen to this mama. So I was THRILLED! and feeling brave enough to venture out of this house...

Packing us all up was easy-breezy, and we were out of the house 30 mins later and headed to meet a friend at the splash park, picnic supplies in car.

My kids all listened, ate pb&j sandwiches, played in the splash area, I REMEMBERED to put sunscreen on my kids before we got there, I was able to watch and play with my boys AND chat with my beautiful friend. It.was.perfect!

After 2 hours,we left {with no objections from any kids!} and decided to take advantage of Sonic's Happy Hour! Four drinks for $3.00! Can't beat that!

On the way home, we were driving right by Mason's dad's grandma {does that make sense?} so since Theo was sleeping and we had an extra drink, we stopped by. Mason ran up to the door and nana came out to visit with us for 20 minutes. Then we had the car ride home, with no screaming! {There is usually always screaming}

We came home where one boy laid down for a late nap, one boy watched Matilda {Will's new fave} and one boy played with his Lego Star Wars. I read a blog, did some dishes, read a blog, folded towels and so on and so on.

Matt will be home soon, Theo will be up from his nap soon and we plan to take some Tofurkey sandwiches to a downtown square we have locally. They have sculptures for kids to play on, a fountain to throw pennies into and shop windows galore to gaze into. And there just may be an ice cream shop smack in the middle.

Then home for bed.

Perfect, no?

And sometimes that one is me...

2011-07-08T21:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes one learns that one's extended family are really the friends one has chosen to be in one's life, not necessarily the family we have married or been born into.

Sometimes one learns that the love you share with your partner can overcome more than ever imagined.

Sometimes one learns the true character of another person, or even one's self when that person is pushed to {and then beyond} their limit.

Sometimes one learns that the very people one thought would be there, are in fact not. And the very people one thought would not be there, in fact, are.

And sometimes that one is me. As for me? I have sure had one of the roughest, most emotionally trying weeks of my life. And you know what? It has made me, the relationship I have with my immediate family, with my Matty, and with my God stronger.

I sure am thankful for that.

Um. So. My brain is full.

2011-07-02T18:48:00.000-07:00

I am a bridesmaid in my good friend, Jessi's wedding tomorrow, and therefore all I have on the brain are dresses, alterations, spanx, sparkly shoes, lilac nail polish, and the mile long list of to-do's before I must arrive at another friend's house {at 8am, yikes!} for hair and makeup.

I love getting dolled up, I love standing up with all my other besties and watching someone I love very much commit to their love forever. I have loved, loved, loved spending so much time with friends very dear to my heart, but being in a wedding is sure expensive! and i am looking forward to having a blast tomorrow and then enjoying the rest of the summer, financially free from all wedding costs!

and because this wedding has consumed all free time and space in brain, I have been a bit absent as of late. I DO promise to be back blogging sometime next week with loads of pictures, k?

Enjoy your 4th and all that the wonderful day means!!

just like that, i guess.

2011-06-27T07:50:00.000-07:00

How do I tell you a story that reflects just how special my mother really was?

How do I express that I am still heartbroken, all these years later?

How do I show you that death did not change my image of her, that she really was an angel on earth?

How do I honor her memory effectively?

How can I say what she meant to me? How her life gave me life, but more than that, how her life fostered my dreams, gave unconditional love to the person I was/am? and then how can i possibly tell you how her death felt like an earthquake in my soul that I still have not recovered from?

How do I share with you that death does not scare me anymore, because on the sweet day I leave this earth, I will see her?

How, how, HOW do I DO it?

and then it was time to go home.

2011-06-26T13:53:00.000-07:00

and home is oh so good.

Me: "On a scale of 1-10, how much did you miss me?"
Matt: "What is 1?"
Me: "1 is the least you missed me and 10 is the absolute most you missed me."
Matt: "Then, at LEAST a 12."

Happy sigh.

Oh, how I adore this man!

PS: Camping post to come!

we were never meant to do life on our own.

2011-06-23T21:29:00.000-07:00

This weekend I am going up to the mountains to hang with my best girls (minus one)! There will be campfires, smores {of the vegetarian kind, for me, thank you}, funny stories, adventures, peeing outside {eek!} and sooo much more!

Oh, and laughing. Lots of laughing with these girls. Always.

Minus the blonde on the bottom left {who is quite a riot herself}, these five girls and I have been besties since high school or before!

I don't know what I am trying to explain, do YOU?!

And my beautiful Jessi{far right} is getting married in a week!! This weekend is her bachelorette party!

Thank God for these girls who have stood by me through some pretty rough times in my life. These girls of mine have had love enough for me to say the things I didn't want to hear but needed to, to hold my hand through death, life, love and MUCH pain, to make me laugh when I want to cry, and to always, always have a listening ear.

God bless friendship.

{and my Matty who will be home with five kids all weekend}

ps: Watch out mountains....here we come!!

these are the moments i thank God that i'm alive.

2011-06-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I forget that I am blessed. Sometimes I forget that all they want is my love, my nurturing. Sometimes I just forget. And then sometimes I remember.

::Theo was crying and crying. "Buddy, WHAT do you WANT?!" "want mama, " with his arms outstretched.::

::The boys were playing outside. I was doing dishes, where I can watch and hear them through the open window. Theo was running, fell and ate it. Will helped him stand up, took his hand and said, "Let's get Mama. Mama make it all better!"::

I really am your gift. I am not just a little person who needs to be "raised" and taught, and taken to activities....I came to the people in my life to bring a message: slow down. Feel. Be. Over and over again. When you do, you will notice immediately, that I am not an obstacle to your work, or inconvenience to your daily life. Instead, you will come to appreciate my honesty, humor, presence and love."- Bruce Scott

the saga of my right foot.

2011-06-20T12:35:00.000-07:00

Last week, I was attempting to clean the kitchen. On attempt #1, I bumped into and sent a syrup dish crashing to the ground. I swept it all up and in the process stepped on some glass. I changed some butts, put babes to bed and attempted to finish cleaning.

I was nearly through in my kitchen when I opened up the fridge to put food away and a jar of salsa sooommeeonnne had shoved in the fridge (me!) fell right on top of my foot and smashed into pieces. It cut the top of my foot. This was when I said- Screw it, I am done! And I pretty much was anyway.

Well, that cut on the bottom of my right foot seemed awfully painful. I thought it was just healing and let it be. I can now feel the glass poking into my foot every time I take a step and there is blood pooling under my skin, where it is apparently stabbing me. It is excruciating to walk on, getting worse by end of day.

I really, truly believe in letting things heal naturally, with the thought that it would come out on its own. But it's not. And I also really, truly believe this is when doctors serve their purpose. I have been leaning on the left side of my right foot for over a week, hobbling along. With three small children I am responsible for during the week, and five on weekends, PLUS an upcoming camping trip out of town and ALSO a friend's wedding I am walking in 3 weeks away, it is time to get it taken care of.

I am off to the doctor in about an hour to have my foot cut open. Wish me luck!

**Updated: My foot was cut open{after some extremely painful numbing shots, I might add}, glass discovered, and removed, and I am good to go. The doctor said my foot is very infected however all should heal up perfectly since the glass is now out of my foot.**

and then i bawled...

2011-06-17T15:34:00.000-07:00

Sunny, clear, beautiful sky. Three swim-clad boys. Windows down. Good tunes flowing out of the speakers. Destination: Splash pad.

And then the lyrics:

What a life to take.
What a bond to break.
I'll be missing you.

I started crying. My 7 year old noticed. Was I surprised he did? That kid notices everything his mama does!

"What's wrong, Mom?'
"I just miss my mom."

Silence.

"I wish I could have met her."

I thought I was crying before. It sucks that she doesn't know these precious babies of mine. It still amazes me that I can be flitting right along, and then the next, tears. Grief is hard. Grief is still there- 9 years later and probably forever.

And then?
"You will see your mom in heaven one day, right Mom?" "Yes, baby."

The radio plays-
On that morning
When that life is over,
I know...
I'll see your face.

What a SWEET day that will be!

ps More and more each day, I learn how much God knew I needed this little {big} boy of mine!

the end of thankful week but NOT the end of thankful.

2011-06-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

I had previously promised you all that I would do a post each day this week. And I did not. And I do not feel a bit guilty.

It is not easy for me to view the positive over negative. Most days, I fail. I get so overwhelmed, so frustrated.

Currently, I am sitting at a counter COVERED in oatmeal and to say my sink is overflowing with dishes would be an understatement. I really have to push myself to focus on what really matters.

It's not dishes. Or laundry. Or a perfectly organized, always clean home. Sure, it's nice when the house is picked up.

What really matters though are these little lives that need me to be present: to love them, to hold them, to teach them, to be taught.

This is a big goal of mine for the year: Appreciate more. Notice the good. Let go of not being able to control everything. I am slowly doing it. And it feels great.

***Thank you so much for the love this week, friends. ***

thankful, oh so thankful.

2011-06-14T13:23:00.000-07:00

Last week, Mason and I were talking about when he was in my tummy. Does your kid loovveee talking about that? Because Mas loves the subject! I tell him what I craved(ice water from McDonalds, baked potatoes, and DQ chocolate ice cream cones), when I first felt him kick (14 weeks), how I called him Mason almost all the way through my pregnancy and absolutely KNEW he was a boy before I ever officially found out. Since he was my first, I remember every.detail. of carrying Mason, down to the date he had his first hiccups in utero (Feb. 4, 2004).

We were chatting about his time hanging out in my tummy, and he asked, "How big did I make your tummy grow, Mom?"

I responded, "soooo big... out to here," (with a gesture) and then I pulled up my shirt to show him my stomach. I told Mason, "See these marks, all over, these pink and white marks? Those are from you growing and stretching out my belly."

He looked at me and said, "Wow Mom, you will NEVER be able to forget about me with those marks. You will always remember me, forever and ever. And when I am at my dad's, all you have to do is look down and think of me. "

And I stopped and pondered: The 7 year old hit the nail on the head.

I abhor my body right now- it's a mixture of carrying three babes and the eating habits that have accrued from boredom or loneliness of being a stay at home mom plus my own poor decisions. I have a bunch of weight to lose and while I AM down 5 lbs (Woot, woot!) I have a long way to go. When I look at myself in the mirror, I sigh and feel disgusted. And I have for a long time.

My sweet 7 year old's words showed me how precious this body is. This body has nurtured and carried three humans. While I do not choose to have my body look like this forever, right now this is what it is and right now, I need to recognize the worth and beauty of what this body has done!

It doesn't mean I need to eat junk and throw in the towel. It just means I need to love myself where I am at. My boy looked at my sad, saggy, tired, marked-up belly and saw beauty in the place where he grew and thrived.

And then he shared that beauty with me.

thankful for my gifts week

2011-06-13T10:26:00.000-07:00

This morning, I was mad to even get out of bed. I was feeling sorry for myself. Sorry that I had three kids and had to pull my exhausted butt out of bed AGAIN to hit the floor running with diaper changes, breakfast, getting dressed, maintaining a house and responsible for three other lives each day, in addition to my own.

I opened the door to the babies' room. I did not have the positive attitude one should have when greeting two adventurous toddlers who are eager to begin their first journey of the day. I was grumpy. Not overly kind.

The morning went on...

The boys played outside for a bit, and when they came in, we had an early lunch. I perused the fridge, not very inspired to make anything. I decided on leftovers of whatever I could scrounge up. Each child was given the choice I pulled out that made them say, "mine!" (Theo) or "Yum!"(Mason). One had veggie chicken nuggets warmed up and dipped in ranch, another half a leftover PB&J (I TOLD you I save everything!), another pretzel sticks and half a veggie burger.

Theo (who has recently decided that eating at the table is for the birds and refuses to eat unless he is a)on the floor or b) being fed to) plucked his food from the table, piece by piece (including the plate itself) and plopped his butt on the hardwood floor in the kitchen.

Great, I thought- Another crumb mess for me to pick up. Will pulled a blue crate (that 2 minutes previous had held a great number of stuffed animals ) into the kitchen and decided to eat in there. Mason was the only one who sat at the table. And today was a day I was just way too out of sorts to fight this battle.

And then I sat at the table and watched them. And something clicked in my brain. Instead of seeing a child who was stubborn and making more tasks for me, I saw a determined free spirit, one who chose to picnic and relax in a new location rather than eat at the same old place.

I saw a 3 year old that probably imagined what he would do with that blue crate as I was calling his name for lunch- he emptied all the little animals out and used his imagination.

I saw a 7 year old that is fiercely loyal to his mama, and sat at that table to show his little brothers how to behave, and respect their mother.

I saw the true innocence of who they are. They are NOT just my three little lives to raise, they are my three little souls to grow. They each have their own path and sometimes the way I raise them blocks that path.

Now, I am not saying children can do as they will. I believe strongly in clear boundaries and teaching the consequences of crossing those boundaries. However, sometimes, we have to move out of their pathway and let them cross the boundary a little and enjoy life.
Maybe you already know this. But, ME, I am just learning it. :)

My children bring so much joy to my life, and many times I choose to focus on the depressing instead. This week, I will share with you some lessons my children have taught me- about life, love, joy, myself, themselves, etc.

Feel free to join me in the comments or on your own blog. :)

Did I mention I love summer?

2011-06-01T08:59:00.000-07:00

Hai friends!!

Aren't you loving summer?! Don't you tell me it's not officially summer yet! My kids are out of school and so-it's summer!!!!

Mason is with his dad until Sunday. :(
Theo is still sleeping. It's 9:42am here. BIG DEAL, right?!
Will is watching Star Wars and shaping playdough creations.
And I am surfing the web! {hey! I SAID it was summer! gah!} :)

I spent 10 minutes trying to convince Will it is time to go potty ON the ACTUAL potty.
He refuses. Remember that whole post I wrote like I knew what I was talking about?! Yeah...Will blows all of that out of the water. And, no, I don't need any tips. He will go when he is ready and apparently he is not ready at 3 years, 2 months old. Siiighhhh.

Anyway, we plan to hit Starbucks, the park and the store in that order. But not before I feed these kids a real breakfast {we snack a lot}, and get us all dressed!

Also? Won't you join me as I participate in this challenge?

I hope wherever you are, whatever you are doing, you enjoy this day! Life is short. So have some fun! {telling this to my OCD, bipolar, self as well!}

just because. You are welcome. :)

the great craving of 2011

2011-05-31T20:21:00.000-07:00

One word friends: Sauerkraut! Yes, sauerkraut!

Before Saturday night, I had tasted one bite of this substance many years back, when my sauerkraut loving grandma made a big bunch of the stuff. meh. Not impressed.

But....NOW?!

Matt wanted veggie hot dogs for dinner two nights ago and my mind IMMEDIATELY craved the stuff. I had to have it. I hunted it down in Target as if my life depended on it. I slathered it all over our hot dogs that night. mmmm....

Last night I very purposely designated Monday night, Leftover night, just so I could have another veggie dog with you guessed it, sauerkraut.

I then woke up at 1230 am today, starving and had to have it. HAD TO. I pulled my tired butt out of bed and ate a bowl of amazingness-plain. Have I lost my ever loving mind? And don't even say it- I am not pregnant!

Since my early morning wake up for the cabbage goodness, I have had two more bowls of the deliciousness, and this craving is still going strong.

I am not sure what's going on...but if you need me, I will be at Target, clearing out their stock of sauerkraut. :)

A project, a purse, and a blessing

2011-05-30T20:22:00.000-07:00

I began the large task of cleaning out our bedroom this weekend. Between the pile of stuff that needs to go in the attic, the pile of disorganized clothes with no home due to a closet wall that buckled, and the piles of clutter that end up tossed in our space for lack of a better one, our room is a MESS!

Isn't it funny how we always take care of ourselves last? Except it's not funny at all. Matt and I need a space where we can recharge and relax. A place where we can feel comfortable together as a couple {bow-chicka-bow-wow}.

It was high time to get to work on our space!

While cleaning out my stock of purses, I happened upon an old one of my moms. I flipped it open to clean it out, and smelled HER. I haven't smelled the scent of my mama in over eight years. It's a perfect combination of her lipstick, her perfume and flowers. That fragrance brought back such memories! And such tears!

I took five minutes to miss, to grieve, to mourn. Then I closed the purse. I have no clue how the essence of her survived nine years in a purse, however I am so, so grateful it did.

little bit of this, little bit of that

2011-05-22T12:58:00.000-07:00

I'm still here.

It's approaching end of school year, which means Mama gets busier.

I am looking forward to hanging out with my three handsome boys full time this summer! Lots of ideas, crafts, and outdoor fun to be had!!

I am not looking forward to the 11 day trip my oldest will be taking with his dad. :(

Today, I am going to reorganize (and get rid of tons of toys) the big boys room and FINALLY plant my flower seeds. :)

Happy Sunday, friends!!

Mothers day, schmothers day.

2011-05-13T19:18:00.000-07:00

**Edited to Add: This post was originally published earlier in the week. I looked at my blog thursday night and it was GONE! Post, comments, everything. Luckily Blogger had saved the earlier version of the post so I did a little rewriting and we are golden, but what's up with blogger?? So, if you commented and it's gone, I did not erase your comments. Something strange happened during the week with my post. **

I did not talk much about the anniversary of my mother's death this year, or her birthday {which are 2 days apart}. I got out of town instead. :)

It's pretty hard to ignore Mother's Day though. And while I am a mother, I also had a mother- who is not here to share this day with me- and it's heartbreaking, even 9 years later.

These past 9 years, I have had plenty of different reactions to the day:
Complete avoidance
Anger
Jealousy{of my own husband, who has his mama here to share the day with}

This year, I was just sad. I miss her so incredibly much.

Walking past the mothers day cards is just.hard. HARD, friends. Thank goodness the aisle has already been switched to cards for the next holiday because I don't think my heart could stand the stroll past one more time.

Matt made Mothers day perfect. I slept in until 930 while he cleaned the house, took care of the kids, and prepped breakfast(we had the in-laws over). That in itself was more than enough pampering...but then I woke to beautiful flowers and a sweet precious card from my boys and my love. He made us my favorite breakfast- homemade, blueberry pancakes. He also made vegetarian biscuits and gravy (with biscuits from scratch), veggie bacon and a huge bowl of strawberries,blackberries and blueberries. Delicious much? I think I rolled out of my chair after breakfast.

My love knows this is the year I plan to garden, so he bought me every tool I could ever need, along with seeds of every type galore! And a RED watering can! so cute! It was perfect. Just Perfect.

Which is why it feels horrible that the day still felt so wrong. Even as I smiled and laughed with these little lives that came out of my body, even as us adults played cards and enjoyed each other's company, there was a lingering sadness in my soul.

I miss my mom. I want her here. 9 years seems like forever but it's not. I can still remember soooo much about her...the way we bickered, how she loved rainy days, the beautiful way she accepted and nurtured the person I am. Mother's Day just did not feel complete without the one who mothered me here.
I miss my mom.

the good and the bad {but not necessarily in that order}

2011-05-04T23:08:00.000-07:00

So, right upfront and all, I know no one is deathly ill, my family is fairly healthy and there are catastrophes all around the world. i know. but life has been a bit on the suckish side here this week.

it involves:
matt's ex. she is lazy, selfish and makes life more difficult for her children because of her own feelings of inadequacy. it's sad that it affects our world, but it does. rising above people, rising above.

a crazy painful tooth, a missed dental appt and living on pain meds until my upcoming appt.

trying to finish up school living on pain meds.

two little boys who have spent the last few days trying to decimate our house, every ounce of food in the fridge and pantry, and my sanity. {this is probably due in LARGE part to mama being in pain, thus leading to a not quite as fun mama as they usually get.}

this too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass.
summer is fast on its way in {hallelujah!}
after tomorrow, I am done and done with school until the fall!
and since the clock just hit 12am here, I am 2 weeks in with no pop!!! none! Go me!

**** and it's supposed to be a GORGEOUS weekend here in co land...during which we will celebrate my sister !and! one of my bestie's birthdays, as well as Mama's Day on Sunday!! {hellloooo sleeping in and getting pampered}

Summary: life sometimes sucketh but love conquers all hate, pain meds rock my world until next week, school is almost done and i have a lot of gifts to put together by friday. :)

It's only Tuesday.

2011-04-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it???
Isn't this week DRRAAAGGGGIINNNNGGGGG?? Maybe because here in Colorado, I am so beyond ready for nice weather and it keeps tricking us. Oh hello beautiful gorgeous day, oh here is the rain again, WELL HOWDY sun, just kidding, it's snowing. UGH!

A while back, I was awarded the Stylish Blogger Award by Miss Nicole over at Frogs, Snails and Fairytales. She has three caaa-UTIE pie kiddos and I love keeping up to date on their antics! Plus, her name is Nicole...so of course she is fabulous already! :)

Thanks for the award, Nicole!

As a stipulation of said award, I shall share 7 things about myself. Ready...set...GO!

1. I save things as if I was a child of the Depression. It's a little bit of I grew up poor, a little bit of having a *very* frugal grandma living with me for some years, and a little bit of I am just a weirdo. If there is even a drop of juice, or one tiny little scrape of jelly left, I will save it and use it later. Matt gets super annoyed with this little quirk of mine.

2.  I always have a hair tie around my wrist or in my hair. If I leave the house without it, I will turn all the way around and go get it. MUST be able to restrain hair at will!

3.  I doubted the existence of God many, many times until the day of the death of my mother. That day proved to me, without a shadow of a doubt, that the Lord exists.

4.  I knew as a little girl that it was my calling to be a mother. When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would often say, "a mom."

5. I am a vegetarian. And yes, that means no fish people!! {I get asked that all.the.time.} Matt and I are in process of slowly converting to being full vegans (which means not eating anything that comes from an animal}. This includes eggs, butter, cheese, etc. It is not easy but something we both feel is right for our family.

6. I have a wide variety of friends. They range greatly in levels of income, spiritual beliefs, marital status, parenting beliefs, etc.

7. I would absolutely have 2-3 more children if our finances, home and Matt :) would allow. I think big families are wonderful, and I am very blessed to conceive quite easily.

So, there you go! Now you know more about me {than maybe you wanted to?}

I will now tag 5 other bloggers:

Stacia at Five of Spaids

Kaycee at Who am I

Adriana at Litera Scripta Manet

Justin at 42

Molly at Stilettos and Diapers

I am excited to learn more about some of you!!Also? If you enjoy reading my blog and don't currently follow me, would you? It would make my Tuesday!!

Is having 5 kids a good enough excuse? Yes?

2011-04-25T13:27:00.000-07:00

No, you are not hallucinating.

This is one of my laundry mountains. Yes, just one.

Things got a bit out of hand this weekend.

We were out and about quite a bit and I did not do my normal 4 loads a day.

{And frankly, when we were home, I didn't feel like doing any!}

So here we are again: I catch up on laundry, then I get behind on laundry, wash, rinse, repeat.

{And all the Mamas say Amen!}

This is how we roll.

2011-04-22T10:19:00.000-07:00

Rocking my baby and praising my God

2011-04-20T09:47:00.000-07:00

I feel so much thankfulness today.

My baby (Theo) started vomiting Monday night and all through Tuesday. He is finally done with the puking but is now fevering and just wants his mama.

And you know what?

I get to just be his mama. I get to hold my baby exactly when he needs me. I get to rock him to sleep in the middle of the afternoon. While my heart is so sad that he is sick, I am so blessed.

BLESSED!

Blessed that I have my baby in my arms. Blessed that I have the opportunity to be a stay at home mom. Blessed that we have a home to live in. Blessed that we only have to deal with colds and flu. It could be worse, and it's not.

We have it so, SO good.

Thank you Lord for these blessings.

This may or may not be a pointless story.

2011-04-11T14:31:00.000-07:00

This morning, I woke up grouchy. And desperately needing coffee! Except, we were out of coffee.
After we dropped Mason off at school, the little people and I went to Target...and our Target has a Starbucks!!! ::doing the happy dance::
We shopped, rang out, and headed to the Starbucks {I swear I heard angels singing as I spotted that beautiful green sign}.

I grabbed my bag of coffee for home and then ordered my grande, 1 pump, soy mocha with no foam and no whip at kid temperature. {why yes, I AM high maintenance, thank you very much}

We walked out of Target and arrived at our car. I set my coffee on the bumper. As I reached to grab kiddo number one to strap in, I hit my precious coffee, which then crashed to the ground, releasing all of the wonderful liquid. I watched every drop spill onto the pavement.

And then I cried.

Seriously, I did. So, if you happened to be at the Target by my house at 10 am-ish today and saw a pathetic woman sobbing while she held her child, that was me.

Then I got mad. At who, I am not really sure. The coffee, myself, the dang bumper-it doesn't matter. I marched back into the store to order another {because at this point, I was DETERMINED I was going to have a coffee drink, come hell or high water}.
The AWESOME barista then made me another drink, free of charge, while I fought the urge to bear hug her.

**Side note: I did try to tip her but apparently Starbucks employees of Starbucks in Target are really Target employees and cannot accept tips. **
{Do sidenotes belong at the bottom of the post? Meh.}

I walked back outside, opened my door, stuck my new coffee drink into my cup holder, THEN put my boys in their seats, and drove home.

While sipping my drink. :)

PS That was the best coffee I have ever had!

Oh happy Day!!

2011-04-10T07:14:00.000-07:00

Today is a big day. The one that made me a mama turns 7 today. SEVEN people!!

I was just a baby when I had my Mason. 19 and oh so scared!

God knew that and gave me a sweet, patient, loving, easy baby who has turned into a sweet, patient, loving, and oh so smart big SEVEN YEAR OLD!

Happy Birthday to my BEAUTIFUL little {big} boy!

I love you to the moon and back a zillion quadrillion times, buddy!

Mama

He's got mad skills.

2011-04-09T22:34:00.000-07:00

See that little upside down three year old?

This is what Matt saw as he opened the door to get the babies {who are not babies anymore at all!}out of bed.

Just hanging out. Upside down. With his Binkie.

I love you little wierdo.

A Mama and her Boys

2011-04-07T08:33:00.000-07:00

This picture is so so so so sooooo typical of each of their personalities!

I love my babies!

in which I use many exclamation marks!!

2011-04-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

So, I have this new love! shhhh....please don't tell Matt, I am not ready to share the news yet! ;)

Its name is OPAL! as in the vintage store the wonderful Mandy from Harper's Happenings runs!
Basically, Mandy has a great thrifting eye and does all the work for you {because as much as I love thrifting, it just doesn't happen with two toddlers.}

Your day cannot be complete unless you go check it out...and because seeing is believing, here are some of my purchases from Opal! I told you I love color!

pretty cardi!

to hang in my *red* kitchen!

a spring bag! love it!

my little dutch people for my office space! they also face each other and kiss!

pretty coral earrings!

adorable corduroy vintage overalls for Will! Will loves overalls!

little mellow yellow turtle! for holding treasures! also for my office space!

vintage glasses! see the red and black squares in the corners? ca-UTE!

and my favorite find so far: A Le Sportsac duffel!!!!!

**all photos taken by Mandy of Harper's Happenings for her amazing store, Opal!**

She also has amazing vintage dresses, a huge array of little girls clothing, tons of funky, unique decor for your home and lots of old school dishware!

Go check it out!!

and no, I am not getting paid for this post...but when one is in love, one must share with the world, right? Right!

Our April Fool's Blessing!!

2011-04-01T20:08:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was this guy and this girl:

who met and fell in love. And then decided to conceive a baby three weeks after they met. (Yes, I KNOW! It was ridiculous! Never did I ever believe in love at first sight until it happened to me! )

That belly with that little baby in it grew and grew!

until that little baby inside that belly decided, for a few reasons, it wanted out! and 3 weeks early at that! Which made this little one our April Fool's Baby!!

and then we learned that little baby was a little *BOY*!!

and we were thrilled! Yes, just 9 months after I met Matt, we were now parents to this amazing little person-William Matthew!

So in love!

The proud daddy!

And the tired mama!

And then he met his older siblings: Daphne, Mason and Jack!

Jack wasn't too sure yet.

And then our Will just grew and grew!

Hello teething stage and shirts covered in drool. :)

And hello precious little one that melts my heart.

Until Mr. Will became two-

Which brought things like:

Protests at storytime and, well, who are we kidding- protests EVERYWHERE!!

Sleeping in drawers!

But we made it through the terrible two's and my sweet, loud, stubborn, loving little guy is now THREE!

Happy Birthday Big Guy! You are compassionate, smart as a whip and so funny! You are beautiful just the way you are and I cannot wait to see what "freeee" (3) holds for us!

By far, this little boy is the best crazy choice I have ever made. :)

We're Not in Kansas Anymore, Toto...

2011-03-29T15:45:00.000-07:00

but we WERE!!

We crafted a plan to visit my good friend Jessi's grandparents and the weekend also happened to fall on the weekend of my mom's birthday and deathday {coincidence? no!}. The day of her birth and the day she died are only two days {and 37 years} apart and it is a REALLY hard time for me. So we got out of town!

We being these two lovelies:

Jessi, Jenni and Yours Truly leaving my house on Day One

That's right, my husband watched four kids for four days (Mason was at his dads) while I went on a road trip with two of my best friends. I about fell over when he agreed to it!

It was a little rough saying goodbye to my two littlest:

Yes, they are still in diapers! It was 9 in the morning!

But then the adventure began!!!

That floppy hat (got it at Target) was amazing!! It made its rounds on our trip!

Jenni face!

Jessi's grandpa!

{See? I TOLD you that hat got around! ;)}

Anyhow, this trip was just what I needed! An escape to Topeka, Kansas with tons of laughter, many, many adventures and two of my best friends...my cup is full and my heart is happy!!

And then on the first day back home, I went to the dentist. I have not been in 10 years. : /
But that's another story for another day.....